How old is the brother? I feel like if he's in high school he can't come to the school and beat up a bunch of 5th graders. But if he's a 7th grader it's just his job.
Long story short, my little girl who is 8 and in the 3rd grade, comes home sad Wednesday. She holds it in for an hour or so, then starts crying. After making some smoothies with dad, comes to find out that she was teased a couple days this week by a couple 5th grade boys. My daughter has a speech impediment. She rarely talks because of it.
I tell the school obviously. They say they will handle it. Last night she said she was teased again. Though this time she isn't as upset. Just a bit sad. She has no idea why they would tease her. I don't tell her why, just that boys are mean.
I just called the school, they say that she wasn't teased that they know of, but will look at it.
I honestly can't take the time off from work the next couple weeks to go up to the school, but I can have her brother pick her up after school.
Question is this. Do I have his little sister point the kids out, and have him put the fear of Brahma Jr. in them with a whisper in the ear, or give the school a THIRD chance at resolving the issue?
How old is the brother? I feel like if he's in high school he can't come to the school and beat up a bunch of 5th graders. But if he's a 7th grader it's just his job.
I would be worried in this day and age. If kids can get expelled for bringing chocolate guns to school I wouldn't have the nerve to have my kid threatening some 5th graders at the school even though it would probably work and would be the proper American thing to do.
YEah thats a tough situation. I have 2 boys, one 12 and the other 10 so I just tell them to man up and take care of business when getting bullied in school with my full support. But a girl is a different story. Time for some Brahma Sr protecting yourself lessons?
If your Jr is of driving age, it might be too much to send him in. But at least he could scare the shit out of the punks, just make sure he does not touch them. Verbal abuse and threats work though.
Things have changed from when we were kids, there's no menacing bullies and fighting by the flagpole anymore. Kids get expelled for the threatening and menacing behavior you're describing.
That said, kids should get expelled for mocking a kid with a speech impediment too. I'd make the decision based on whether your boy can hold in the urge to knock them out when they openly mock the sister and him to his face, knowing he can't do anything. Kids are not scared these days, they will dare you to touch them knowing its you that will be in trouble.
Yeah if your kid started puberty and is a monster compared to 5th graders then sending him in the threaten a 5th grader is probably a bad idea.
Show your daughter this video
She a strong independent young lady who don't take shit from no one and need no man to fight her battles for her. Who cares what some little boys think, they have cooties anyways!
Those kids are just red pillers in training. Let them be.
I have kids in those ranges and I understand your frustration although, luckily, we haven't had any bullying incidents because our schools are pretty proactive about it. Before sending in Judge Dred (as our Dads might have done), I'd suggest forgoing the phone conversations and actually going in to have a face-to-face talk with the principal and let him know shit is going to get real if he doesn't handle it.
Also, you might consider arming your daughter with some defensive tools by explaining to her that she speaks a little differently and sometimes parents don't teach their kids that it isn't appropriate to say hurtful things such things. Often the meanest kids have some sad stuff going on in their lives and, on the other hand, some are just little shits. I know it sucks having to explain something like that to a child but there are lots of shitty things that we have to explain to them like don't take candy from weird people in vans, look both ways before crossing the street so you don't get smashed by a card, etc.
Thats not true cad, you can still take care of them. My son dealt with one of them. He was bullied by some little punk for a while, coming home all upset not wanting to get in trouble for fighting and such but he had enough. So he followed his ass home one day getting off the bus at his bus stop and scared the living shit out of him. Without even touching him. Problem solved.
Another one was fucking with him in the neighborhood, older kid but went to some other catholic school or some shit. He was older than him too, by 2 yrs, but smaller. He would follow him around the neighborhood talking shit and threatening him. So I told my son to stand up to him. Well he did, he grabbed the kid by the shirt and threw his ass down to the ground one day after he had enough. Problem solved. His dad came over my house bitching at me one day after this incident and I set his ass straight too. I told him that his son is a fucking bully, 2 yrs older and fucking with my son, so I gave my son the blessing to beat his ass, and would do it again if he did not stop.
As someone who works closely with my children in their elementary and middle schools, I can tell you with certainty that sending in the brother to threaten, or whatever, is an absolutely horrible idea. There are a few possible outcomes, the most severe of which are that your son gets severely disciplined, or the bullies seek out your daughter further because they know your son can't really do anything.
Plus, the school would shit on your chest if they heard about it.
The very best thing that you can do, in my opinion, is to have your daughter identify the bullies. There are various ways to do that - find the school photo from the previous year, and have her point them out. Once the bullies are identified, the school can go batshit wild on them, and likely will. Bullying is simply not tolerated.
At my son's school there was an instance of pretty severe physical bullying. The parents worked with the school to identify the bullies, and then had one of the fathers from the school, who is a cop, go and talk to that classroom about bullying, and pointed out those boys specifically by name, saying they had acted as bullies, and that their behaviour was being monitored very closely. They about shit their pants in class, and they've been pretty good since.
Best thing you can do for any kid is get them in self defense as soon as possible. It instills amazing self confidence, healthy living, and a hard work ethic.
You can get involved with that as well with her, because it is a great stress reliever.
I'd suggest something like Bahala Na, or any of the Philippines martial arts. Something I've taken for over a Decade now. Usually the instructors for that are excellent due to the rigorous testing process, and everything is at least real world proven versus more of a sport like the popular Tae Kwon Do
This dude at my work was stalking my sister (16 at the time). Me and the brother put the fear of god in the kid and never saw him again - literally. He quit and we don't know where he went. Apologized profusely and everything then disappeared.
I would have the bro walk up to them and tell them that if they say anything else to his sister he'll kick their asses.
We all know getting in trouble in 8th grade aint worth a shit in the long run. If your son don't care, let him do it.
I say have your son pop one in the face. He will get in a ton of trouble, but the whole "zero tolerance to bullying" is a fucking joke. What happens when these kids hit about 7th grade and realize that there isn't a "permanent record" that will taint your existence when you get sent to the principle's office? It is human nature to pick on those who are different, and the only thing that keeps kids from becoming little assholes are good parents or fear of physical harm. Parents these days suck, so bring the pain.
I think this anti bully shit in schools is fucking wrong. There are still bullies and they still bully people, but now those that get bullied are being punished for not having the ability to stand up for themselves. Snitching on them to administrators or sending Mommy and Daddy in to fight your battles is even worse because then youre labeled a fucking snitch, mommas boy or whatever and treated even worse by more people.
Its all part of growing up, life lessons. Let the kids solve the problems themselves like was done since the beginning of time. Then parents and admins get involved when shit gets too rough. Bullying does not stop in school either, its a part of adult life too. Those lessons need to be learned. On both sides, whether you're the bully or the one that gets bullied.
Normally I take any "tough guy" stuff on the internet with a huge grain of salt, but in this situation I think sending the boy to pick her up and do a little passive intimidation is a good idea. I am assuming that you know your son well enough to determine if he is capable of staying calm no matter what they say, hell maybe even do a little roleplay at home so he has some good witty comebacks to things they might say. Everyone knows that cutting down a bully verbally is often enough. But regardless of that, the way I see it is, if he doesn't touch them or say anything like "I'm going to kick your ass if you don't stop" there isn't anything that he can be punished for. If all he does is walk right up to them and ask if there is a problem, maybe bows up a little, how is that punishable? At the very worst they report him for bullying (ironically), and it gets brought in to the principal, who already has your complaints on record and just shines a spotlight a little brighter on them instead. You sending your boy to pick up his sister is perfectly innocent, and if she happened to be upset and told him that those boys were picking on her, there is nothing wrong with him walking over and asking them politely to stop.
I see no real downside, honestly, assuming your boy doesn't start swinging of course, or even touches them at all.
Have her identify the bullies and then go beat up their parents.
Can't believe nobody suggested that yet.
How about investigate more, how pathetic are these 5th graders that they have to stoop to bullying a 3rd grade girl? i mean they are 2 grades removed, that's pretty far. 20years ago in nyc for me we were super separated by grades, if any bullying was done it was done by some kid in your class, at least that makes sense, or even some kid in the same grade, but 2 grades removed? something is up.
also don't forget about cyber bullying, if it hasn't started, it might lead to that if these 5graders are being restricted in how they bully, they'll go and do that.
I'd toss in my vote for chatting with the parents before doing anything. Have her point out who they are in a yearbook, call and see if their parents are receptive and willing to discuss bullying to their children and go from there.
If they laugh at you and blow you off, at least you tried being the better man and instilling values in another parent before unleashing hell. Bonus points if you setup a prank that nails the assholes in front of the entire school, get them some good justice there.
Obviously you just kill the bully kids and have your daughter go to school wearing a mask made from one of their faces.
Ohh I like where this is going.
Kill parents #1, wear their faces to kill bully #1. Use bully #1 face to kill bully #2. Use bully #2 face to kill bully #2 parents but also wear bully #1 face on one of your hands. By the time you hit the 3rd bully you are wearing the face of bully #1 on your head, bully #2 on a hand, all the other faces covering your genitals and buttocks like some grotesque loin cloth and then come home, sit down, throw on some swag ass $2000 headphones and tell everyone to leave you alone. Bonus points if you make a belt out of the dead people's skin
Have you ever tried simply turning off the tv, sitting down with your kids and hitting them?
My high school had a severe bullying problem before Columbine when that shit got overlooked. They stuck one kid known to be severely claustrophobic in a locker and he ended up in the hospital because he tore his hands/nails to shreds literally trying to claw his way out. Another kid ended up in the hospital and ended up needing a breathing tube cut into his neck to save his life after one of these bullies somehow obtained some concentrated capsaicin powder base that they make pepper spray out of and threw it in his face. It wasn't uncommon to see the group of bullies have someone surrounded outside of the school, just wailing on them 6v1.
I personally avoided most of the physical abuse but the emotional abuse was worse. One kid put up a website entitled, "Why Xequecal should kill himself." Pages of text explaining why I was worthless and unlovable and why I should off myself. Remember that back then in the 90s having an actual website was a pretty big deal, so that shit spread very quickly and I had to deal with kids in neighboring high schools having seen it. The technologically illiterate school staff did nothing about it because they didn't get it. It got pretty elaborate at the end too before he was forced to take it down, with him using whatever passed for Photoshop those days and managed to superimpose my yearbook picture on that Doom 2 severed head on a spike sprite and put it up on the site. He did not even get suspended for this. This was a very affluent white suburbian high school, too, not some inner city shithole. Once the bullying becomes organized it becomes impossible to defend yourself against it.
Is your local police department recruiting? Maybe she could sign up and then the shooting would be justified officer self-defense. Girl's gotta get home to color with her family.
When I was in grade school, I had a stuttering problem, but my fists worked fine.
She has very little control of her muscles in her lower jaw/lip. She trembles when trying to hard to pronounce something properly. Making it very hard for her to pronounce consonants. She gets therapy from the school (why we moved to this little town), and once a week a speech therapist I pay for. I see little progress slowly. But it is there.
If I seem to recall, Mike Tyson also had a speech thing, I dont think he had too many bullies.
Naw man, were just busting your balls, bro.
This is a really strange solution, but schools of today have changed from schools when we were children.
If your daughter points to the kids that are doing it and shouts "THEY'RE BEING A BULLIES TO ME!", that will usually resolve the problem. Kids are afraid of getting the title "bully" these days, plus it will quickly alert a teacher to the problem so that they might handle it.
My kid tried that, they all called him a liar. They interviewed the kids involved from the bus thing that I mentioned, and they all said it didnt happen, for fear of being a snitch whatever, so it was essentially my sons word vs theirs. So he dealt with the ringleader like I told him too.
I always tell my kids to try and resolve problems in other means, trust me I dont teach violence at my house. But sometimes one has to assert himself as a last resort.
For example the Dad that came to my house after my kid finally said enough and threw him down to the ground. I told him what happened and whats been happening, how his kid has been terrorizing my son for the better half of the summer. Never believed a word I said. I was at fault and so was my kid.
Last edited by mkopec; 02-13-2015 at 07:55 PM.
I was picked on quite a lot by a neighbor kid from 1st grade through middle school. I beat his ass a couple of times but I spent some time in fear because he had a lot of hoodlum friends. The bullying thing is probably overdone in today's schools but I think it beats the alternative for the kids who are or would be bullied.
Kids still get bullied, bro. No matter how anti-bullying the schools are.
You are a pretty big guy from the half pictures I have seen. I would point out their kids are making fun of someone with a speech problem or if you really want to punch them in the nuts toss out disability that usually reigns people in. Then tell them if it keeps happening YOU are going to take it personally and there will be MUCH more serious conversations happening.
Either that or have her kick them right in the nuts a time or two.
Duct tape their dads to the flag pole.
I seriously would fear for your son doing anything more than escorting her home. Since he's 13 and a big boy, god only knows what the fucking school or local police might do if he actually hit them.
Also what kind of pussies are they raising these days where boys 2 grades above pick on a little girl. These kids probably are little wankers who get mocked for being little shits in their grade.
If it was 30 years ago you could send your son to go shitstomp the boys. Lesson would be learned. Of course then you'd have an issue with your boy that you had to address. Heh.
But honestly maybe the best thing to do is find the parents. They probably don't even know that their sons are at school making fun of a girl 2-3 years younger than them. And most people are not shitlords, if you can get ahold of a father on the phone and let him know that daddy will probably do the work you want your son to do. But do it better.
And I mean, you know, there's a way to have that conversation which is not confrontational. "Hey, my name is X. You're Y's dad right? I got some bad news man, my little girl goes to the same school he's 2 grades up from her, and she came home in tears yesterday because your boy and his friends have decided to start calling her out on the playground. Thought you should know, man. We all do stupid shit at this age, and he's starting to do it."
I would absolutely beat a boy for bullying the weak. I would hurt him whereas for other things some would view as more serious I might just discipline him. I think most parents would.
Step 1 - Kill the parents, chop them up and make them into chili and trick the kid into eating the chili
Step 2 - Feast on the salty tears of sadness when you tell the kid the truth
Optional step - train a donkey to bite the kids dick off
Dealing with other parents you might assume this Iannis, but its far from the truth. Like I said its rare to find parents that give a shit (a) and actually consider their little golden nugget could do something like pick on a girl 2 yrs removed with a speech impediment.
I have another incident that happened with my kid, its when we bought him the xbox 360. One day he calls me onto his room and plays a recorded message that was left by a kid. something along the lines that he is gay pussy dick licking whatever, it was fucking awful to have my son hear this at the age of like 11 at the time.
So my sleuth wife goes on a hunt and tracks this kid down, it was a buddy of one of my sons buddies in school, couple of grades older. She finds the phone number from the school directory, call the parents, we even played the message for them over the phone. And they genuinely sounded concerned, telling us that his xbox days are over...etc... A couple of days later my son gets another xbox message from this kid. Telling him hes dead for telling on him, etc... They didnt even take his xbox privilege away like they said they would.
Aren't you a black dude? I assume your daughter is black as well? Are these 5th graders white? If so, just accuse them of being racist and they'll probably be expelled immediately. Then call Al Sharpton and sue the school district for lack of action.
She should just be lucky it's boys bullying her, because they won't actually do anything to hurt a girl besides make fun of her for a while until they get bored and move onto someone else. Girls are MUCH more persistent and efficacious at bullying other girls.
Even now, with the speech impediment basically gone, it's left me with tons of speech anxiety that makes it difficult, stressful and embarrassing for me to speak at all, which has profoundly impacted my life in a severely negative way.
Just have the older brother scare them, boys spook easy until after they hit puberty. But regardless, your daughter is gonna need therapy of various kinds, be prepared.
Sorry for the oversharing.
All I know is if I found out my kids were harassing a kid several years younger there would be hell to pay.
That being said you could also try giving her the kids say and do stupid things speech and that you know its hard but be strong and don't let them get to you.
I would just probably have the older brother put a fear in them.
People are assholes and developing a thick skin really helps. I spent all my teenage years with my best friends all calling each other the worst names we could think of on a daily basis. Deal with that for a few years and other people's insults are almost funny in how non offensive they are.
I'm shocked that so many people are suggesting to send the big brother in to scare them. That might have been a good idea 20 years ago. Now there are just all kinds of ways that goes horribly wrong.
My father called. (Vice-Principal retired) told me if I file some complaint with some office, they will have an escort to, from and at school for my daughter. They are so scared about this bullying crap for some reason even he doesn't understand.
They're scared because there are a record number of bully-related suicides now. Your daughter is only in the 3rd grade, but we live in a world where we can't retaliate lest we wish to be punished ourselves.
Just my opinion, but the most important thing is to talk to your daughter about the fact that people will probably use that against her the rest of her life and that she should learn that assholes who do probably aren't worth the breath to respond or the time to cry. Most of them will grow out of it as they mature but some people are just assholes their entire lives. If someone treats her differently or badly because of her speech impediment that is just a superpower she has to alert her to the jackasses who don't deserve an ounce of her time or respect.
That's weird. I had a slight speech impediment as well as a child, but all that ever happened to me is that everyone thought I was British.
Seriously, the teacher would always ask me at the beginning of the year where my family was from. But you know, I watched a lot of PBS between 2-8 years old. I was probably mimicking the pronunciations of old british sitcoms.
Like I said I had the stuttering thing, but it was because I was thinking too fast and could not get my mouth to process it. So speech therapy helped me slow the fuck down and the problem was gone in a few years of therapy.
I noticed in the OP you said Teased and not bullied, there is a pretty big difference. Everyone seems to be jumping straight to hard core steal your lunch money bullying. Is that really the case?
Keep in mind that around the 5th grade little boys start to notice little girls, but they do not really understand why they are noticing them or what the hell they should do about. The most common way for them to handle that situation is to tease.
i took care of my bully problems in 3 ways. ran like hell. tried to tell jokes and do goofy stuff to befriend them and i started lifting weights.
running away or tattling to a grownup didnt work, because i was being teased for being the new kid at school and being the fat kid and a nerd. grownups the best help i got was the teacher telling the kids to leave me alone and i got the shit beat out of me arfter school for snitching.
telling jokes/being funny worked much better. being the fat kid meant i could tell good jokes or fall down for laughs if the dumber kids didnt get the jokes.
lifting weights helped the best, i couldnt really fight beyond what i mimicked from watching wwf wrestling on tv. but i looked like i could wreck your fucking day if i wanted to. i was just happy people left me alone. one kid in high school that was in my group of friends was not my friend, he used to pick on me every day and i would ignore it because i had a bad anger problem sometimes and if i exploded on this kid i was afraid i couldnt stop until he got really hurt. so i just pretended he wasnt there. it worked for the most part, but then i found out why he didnt like me, he liked my girlfriend and she had rebuffed him a bunch of times, he had then started picking on her. that was when i freaked out and put him in a chokehold and got in his face and screamed at the top of my lungs that he was to never speak to me or my gf again or i would fucking destroy him. i made him answer in the affirmative and i walked away. i felt so sick after that. my best friend told me later on that he was proud of me for sticking up for myself, i just felt ill, he also said my chokehold picked the kid off the ground which is no doubt bullshit even though he still tells me the same thing to this day 26 years later.
what i would do now in this day and age? i guess i would get a cellphone camera, film the bullying and then show it to the bully's parents/principal/youtube so it puts the heat on the school to cut that shit out.
This girl is not going to be fighting back against 5th grade boys. Relating your experiences in that regard is just masturbatory.
From my own experience, fighting back, alone, against other girls worked very poorly.
I guess my advice would be that she needs a good base of friends to stand up with her.
I would assume its teasing which is why I suggested the talk. If it is actually bullying though I would damn sure talk to their parents.
Every kid that I went to school with that I would label as a bully had worthless parents, either white-trash didn't care if their kids ran wild, or yuppie trash whose shit couldn't possibly stink nor their kids. Either way I wouldn't imagine my parents going to their parents would have ever accomplished much should have the need arose.
I am an older brother and every fight I ever got into was sticking up for my younger brother, so I personally don't see anything wrong with sending in the older brother BUT as has been pointed out, this is a much different day of age that we live in. Does your boy have a good enough head on his shoulders to know how to threaten without threatening? Could he pull off a "I heard you are teasing my sister, you are going to stop that or you will be seeing me again..." without escalating beyond that regardless of the 5th grade boys' reactions?
Really what you probably should do is bully the school. Yell, screams, escalate, pull the race card, threaten to sue, etc. Also document everything.
Send the boy.
And for the love of God do not let your daughter grow up to be Astrocreep.
We weren't going to let them get in a fight, but I did tell the Principal if she came home with one more scratch, they'd be talking to my Lawyer. That ended it. You can't just encourage fighting, because they can get in trouble doing it. Growing up, my GrandDad (who was a sailor) taught us you whipped the ever living shit out of anyone that even thought about hitting you. He'd confront the kid who started the fight, not to chastise him, but to make sure the kid looked more beat up than his kids. If his kid came home with one black eye, you needed to give the other kid two black eyes. And he'd make you fight them every day for two weeks until you won. Of course, he fought in Pearl Harbor, so he had a different view on things. You can't do this stuff any more.
All you can do is use every legal means you can. Getting a Lawyer to write a letter costs $75.
Last edited by Lyrical; 02-13-2015 at 11:50 PM.
I'm just teasing you. Or is it bullying? Just don't tell my parents.
Her jaw/lip muscle problem is nothing to be ashamed of, but at the same time she should be aware of why people would make fun of her. Then she can anticipate it, and respond with something more effective than getting confused and crying.
The thing here that bothers me is the age difference. 5th graders picking on 3rd graders should not happen, and you need to shut that down through the school. I don't know if it needs to be a legal threat, but if the school is already giving her therapy, they should be aware that she could be vulnerable. Start by asking the school's therapist what can be done. Insist that something must be done. Document the request. See what they can do.
The good news about the age difference is that warding off 5th graders shouldn't affect her standing with other 3rd graders. Does she have some good classmate friends? They could be good support/witnesses.
Don't involve the brother unless he's around when she's getting bullied. Then it's appropriate for him to defend her.
In the meantime, make sure your daughter works on her impediment, and get her going on a sport or martial art that might give her some toughness. Work on some things she can do when she gets bullied, including going to the nearest teacher if needed.
Whatever happens, don't let her cry and accept it.
Last edited by koljec; 02-14-2015 at 01:04 AM.
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