Is it weird that I was just reading these as well?
Do you wish to torment someone or seek revenge? Buy these, buy these now and give them the gift that keeps on giving...
Read for some amazing testimonials! Read some of these at work today and had to shut my office door as my Director and VP informed me that I was laughing too loud and was disrupting their conference call with potential clients.
I was looking for a low calorie 'grazing' snack when I originally bought this product. Tastes fine. After my first enjoyment, I experienced something less enjoyable. That might have been something else I ate that day, so some time later, full of wariness and scientific curiosity, I ate some just before leaving work.
1 hour, 30 minutes later, after retrieving the children from school, we arrive back at home.
During this time, the gummi bears, hereafter referred to as The Fuel, were being carefully processed in the fuel system of Space Ship Me. I can only assume that The Fuel is a highly advanced binary propellant because it is non-reactive and benign in storage and even during initial ingestion. But as with all binary propellants, when mixed with the complementary other half of the pairing, the results are highly energetic.
Turning my parental duties over the the capable hands of the Roku and widescreen TV, I proceeded upstairs apace, shedding unnecessary accoutrements as I could tell this cowboy was about to Go Rodeo.
Entering the Launch Facility (a.k.a. real estate agents refer to it as the 'master bath') I approached the Launch Pad itself, a fine furnishing manufactured by American Standard. As it was handy to the direct path of travel, and to further the cause of Science!, I stepped onto the bathroom scale and made note of my weight. I then configured the Launch Pad into the second receiving mode and positioned Space Ship Me atop the launch aperture.
All hatches closed!
Exhaust fans to full power!
Sitzfleisch sealed to Launch Pad support ring! (It's a German double entendre, look it up.)
Fuel flow starting, easing open sphincter, commence count down!
Thrust built rapidly to the 100% rating of the nozzle. The exhaust thundered against the parabolic shape of the Launch Pad and reverberated back upwards, buffetting the structure of Space Ship Me.
I swear, if I had thought ahead to equip the Launch Pad with the kind of camera available for the Discerning Customer with Refined Tastes from a Discrete Retailer, you might have seen shock diamonds.
I know some other customers have thought that they might have needed seat belts, but from my dispassionate observation point, I could objectively see that I had not yet achieved Lift-Off. That happened on the Saturn V launches as well: they had to sit on the pad for a while at full thrust until just enough fuel has burned off to make the thrust exceed weight.
It's a long way to orbit, and I was in a hurry to get to the ISS, so the only thing to do was to go to 125% on the nozzle.
That's where things started to go wrong. Thrust increased, to be sure, hammering the porcelain, but the exhaust flow became turbulent. It was also becoming asymmetric. The signal came from below, "The engines cannae take any moor, Cap'n!" (I have no idea why my arse has a Scottish accent.)
Fuel flow dropped off and the nozzle output dropped to merely 10%, with some damage to the combustion chamber.
But luckily, sitting quietly for about five minutes, The Fuel had regenerated enough pressure that I could make another attempt.
After about thirty minutes and several attempts, I had not achieved lift off, and Thank God, because I realized belatedly that I hadn't a plan for how to get through the ceiling and roof.
But the scale revealed that I had lost seven (7) pounds.
Last edited by Lost Virtue; 01-16-2014 at 02:52 AM.
Is it weird that I was just reading these as well?
No lie. I bought those a few years ago and ended up sharting in my pants twice in a week. Haven't eaten them since.
It tastes exactly like real gummi bears, man!
Intestinal distress, just what I'm looking for in my candy
Wish they had them in little small serve bags, great Halloween candy they would make...
Crazy Parents would think their children were possessed by evil spirits. We would have a other "Exorcism of..." type of movie.
A buddy and I accidently ate a whole bag of these that my mom had purchased for my Dad because sugar gives him headaches (it was from the bulk food isle and not marked). The "WTF IS HAPPENING TO ME?!" phone calls we placed to each other were pretty hilarious in hindsight. It was pretty much like having the worst case of gas, the worst case of constipation AND the worst case of diarrhea all in one. I would rather get food poisoning than to experience the 'sugar free candy cleanse' again.
It would be a great idea if you wanted to be at a party where everyone has diarrhea. I'm just not sure why you would want that.
Everyone BUT you. Come on now, it would be pretty funny.
I am disturbingly tempted to try these. I have a pretty iron clad digestive tract so I am curious how they would affect me.
I was at a BBQ today and someone brought gummy bears and I thought of this thread. I ate one about six hours ago. I think I'm good.
Perfect gift for the mother in law , right before a nonstop flight from new york to austraila
I have gummy bears with fiber in them that taste just like regular ones too. They might not be as fast acting, but if someone ate a couple handfuls of those, they'd be shitting themselves for several days. Maybe mix them in with these for double the fun?
Don't watch that video. It documents nothing. 6 minutes of "lol let's eat gummy bears" then another 6 minutes of "not lol I don't feel good" + "last night I shit a lot guys." I was expecting someone filming this guy shitting his pants running to the toilet or something remotely interesting. Its not
The ending made it worthwhile.
I don't think I could eat 5 pounds of anything without puking and/or massive diarrhea though. Well, I honestly don't think I could even fit 5 pounds of anything remotely food-like into my stomach period.
I so much want to buy these and put them out at work. My office is right next to the bathroom though, so that might actually punish me too.
I am tempted to try these now. However, I wish I did buy these last semester for my teacher who I loathe muchly.
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