03-15-2015, 01:41 AM
It sounds like you're doing the right thing. Bipolar disorder is characterized by periods of time lasting at least 3 to 4 days with a decreased need for sleep, grandiosity, increased energy, impulsivity etc. The typical age of onset for women is late 20's; its not impossible but it is unlikely she has Bipolar disorder right now. Young people seem prone to self injure as a means to cope with emotions that are difficult to express or understand. DBT is an excellent treatment modality for this behavior and it's great you can get her in quickly (I've had patients waiting over a year to get into DBT). Even as a prescriber, I am not a big fan of giving people medication; therapy if often the best course of treatment. Having said that, Prozac is one of the few that is relatively safe and shouldn't cause your daughter any long term harm.
03-15-2015, 03:42 AM
Spittin mad rhymes
You know what violence does for someone with depression? It only makes already low self-worth worse. Violence is the worst fucking "solution" possible. "Beating it out of them" only sets people up for having much more serious issues later in life.
Originally Posted by Iannis
Checking in again.
I read something somewhere in intertubes that gave me a jolt. It was, I'm fairly sure, Mark Manson's essay on something or other, or a source he used. (Aside: Manson isn't just a dating coach, though relationship stuff does feature heavily on his site. But there's also stuff about life choices and such that are useful for anyone) He referred to Nathaniel Branden's work on self-esteem, and the understanding I got then and there was that I had lived with a schema, a script, of life that went: 'life's nasty, brutish and short. You will fail in all you try. Why bother fighting reality? Why bother trying anything?'
And that's when I understood why I had been so resistant to the idea of going to therapy and why I failed to stick with all the mindfullness exercises. I bought Branden's book right away, because that book had practical, short, non-mystical, exercises that you do piece-meal, day in, day out: the way out of the quagmire of a depressed person's life narrative requires work. Well, for me we think just working at it will be enough, for more severe depression medication is also needed.
It's not a silver bullet, but for me it's easier to have a structured set of exercises. I need less initial energy to overcome the resistance to working on my depression this way.
So for those who don't feel like therapy works, maybe examine your experienced self-worth and whether you think you'll be a failure in life. Could be that working on that helps you give up that identity. Seems to have worked for me.
Also, and this crosses over to the parenting, online dating and the power of divorce threads: some people say that your inclination for mental illnesses is to a great degree biological and that we ought to stop blaming our parents for our difficulties.
This advice is counterproductive in the event that your depression is compounded with, perhaps even triggered by, abnormal parenting. Talking about my own childhood here. Actually, all of the following is based on my and my sister's lives so far, as well as what I've read on abnormal psychology (which is dabbling in an unfamiliar discipline, but I won't be making any outlandish conclusions, but am ofc happy to be corrected).
The findings that concern the majority of families where parenting is sub-optimal but the parents are normal can be used by some abnormal parents to avoid responsibility and further beat their traumatised children. We know that if the parents are fairly normal people, there will be all kinds of weaknesses and failures in their parenting, b/c people aren't perfect. I understand that research shows that most of the time, depression has a hereditary, biological component, and parenting is not a major contributing factor. However, this finding obfuscates those cases where the parenting really is actively harmful to the children, not just suboptimal.
Even as young kids, we both hoped to live with other families. Because it sucks ass to be beaten by your mom b/c her subordinate said something stupid during the work day. It sucks ass that your dad isn't interested enough in what happens at home when he's not there the times he does come home. I think I was 9 when I tabulated the yearly waking hours I spent with my biological mom (dad wasn't even there for 100-120 days on a given year, but he made mad bank as a CEO and major stockholder so I guess it was worth it) and was happy to find I spent as much time with the daycare professionals after school, who were just, you know, normal people. Unlike your parents, to who you're alternatively a bother, the heir, or an embarrassment, a disappointment, the thing holding them back from doing stuff that really matters, the person who has to take responsibility for the violence that you made them commit.
Why weren't the child protection services involved? Well, that would require that someone files a report. And we were scared to death of telling anyone anything, because mom had made sure we 'knew' how well connected she was and how no-one would believe us. Also, I was once careless and let it slip at a friend's house how scared I was for being late to home. Got well beaten and threatened about doing that again. Also, small town, affluent, well-connected parents, kids don't abuse substances and 'behave themselves'...
When my dad fell in love with another woman and left us, my mom's personality (disorder) got worse. I had forgotten an incident my sister told me about last week. It was a weekend and I was spending it with my friend (who has single-handedly saved my life a couple of times) and my sister calls me and she's crying and we go to our house and she's been beaten - we're 18 and 15 at this point - I take her to the next town, where dad now lives so that she's safe. Dad never even phoned or anything, but that one time I made him take my sister in. Shit. I get fucking emotional just writing this.
Of course, since the courts assigned custody of my sister to my mom, and my emotionally and socially retard of a father had tried to make my sister accept his new love as her new mom by taking my sister skiing for a week and 'by accident' have that lady and her son there as well... Right this was before the divorce. So my sister, who is pretty fragile from having been raised by a histrionic or narcissistic mom (my ex, the psychiatrist, declines to diagnose, but to quote her it's 'not a matter of if, but which diagnoses') was told about the divorce via letting her know that this woman here is gonna be your new mom. Fucking well played dad. My sister doesn't want anything to do with dad's new wife to this day, and I can't blame her. It would do her good, buut it's gonna be a long stretch of therapy before we get there.
What I'm trying to say here is that sometimes, even if our life choices compound our depression, it is NOT our fault. If you've been beaten physically and verbally and made to feel worthless your entire childhood, it is exceedingly difficult to just up and say:'Okay, I'm 18 now, going to live on my own and fuck you both.' In fact, there's a small-ish minority of people that have been labelled 'resilients' (I think) who have the capacity for that. Not normal, it's almost a superpower.
Sometimes, you being fucked up is NOT your fault. YOU are still the ONLY ONE who can get you un-fucked, and doing that for yourself is your responsibility. But you being fucked right now is very possibly not your own fault.
Last edited by nobody's prefect; Today at 10:00 AM.
Also, almost none of our relatives believe if we tell them the truth. But that's just par for the course. Mom's very intelligent, see. A lot of people have told me she's the smartest person they've ever met, and I agree, to a degree. Her preoccupation with status has stunted her intellectual growth, so she's just very smart, she hasn't actually applied herself to thinking about her thinking, which leaves her at the level of being a very, very, smart lawyer.
But for actual intellectual blow-your-socks-off stuff, I gotta give it to the philosophers I've had the great pleasure of talking with. Geeze, those people can build an argument. (Although it probably helps that it's their day job. They don't encounter many novel argument, so you could argue that they aren't actually building an argument then and there, but rather recall a familiar argument-counterargument structure. But this is a digression.)
Mom has been able to fool almost everybody a lot of the time. Sadly for her, her entire life has been a fabrication. She'll go on feeling lonely and unfulfilled and trying to inflict herself on us, but we're through with her, finally. It's taken a lot of blood, sweat and tears, but we're not letting her mess with our heads anymore. And it's not our job to be her punching bags, it never was. Since she can't accept other people having borders of any kind, she can't be trusted to interact with us.
Last edited by nobody's prefect; Today at 10:01 AM.