It depends. Was there an event that triggered this bout of depression or just came out of nowhere for no reason?
I'm not accustomed to it and the last 3 days it's been destroying me. How do you guys deal with it?
It depends. Was there an event that triggered this bout of depression or just came out of nowhere for no reason?
Last edited by Echuta; 07-24-2013 at 01:48 AM. Reason: typing with one hand
are you sure its not an existential crisis?
I was out there for a week, they live in upper Michigan and ever since I was a child I've felt drawn to that area, it's hard to explain it really without sounding weird but lets just say I truly feel I belong there.
I get to see my family once year, my sisters live out there as well. When I left to come back to Minneapolis it was very hard to do so and immediately begin to feel down about it. I mean I figured that's natural and all, vacation ends, no one likes that...but it's more than just that.
So I get home Saturday evening and then on Sunday I have to drive my oldest two kids north to drop them off with the grandfather to take them back to their moms. (they live 4 hours north of me) I always have a rough time dealing with that too as I wont see them for almost four weeks.
Combine the two of those things and I feel fucking empty and I don't understand how not too. I've never felt like this, I'm usually very upbeat and the cheerful guy that makes everyone else smile and laugh. I do things that normally make me happy and I feel absolutely nothing other then a huge pit of emptiness. I was banking it would go away after a day or two but the shit is just getting worse and it's getting to the point where I'm having a hard time hiding it.
I don't know what to do about it and its driving me nuts and getting worse.
Sorry to hear about all the bad stuff, man. The best thing I can tell you is not to start hitting the bottle hard. Famm hit on it and I would agree that getting out and exercising takes some of the edge off. I would imagine this time of year in MN would be good for outdoor activities. Get some friends together and see a Twins game, go fishing, or just go running someplace where you enjoy the view.
What are the hurdles would you have to overcome in order for you to move back to Michigan?
Work in my field that pays a comparable wage. Work out there is hard to come by as it is.
Also my two oldest kids...I go from being 4 hours away frm them to 10 hours away from them.
I dont really drink so no worries on that end.
Do the workout thing, it really does help. Eating right does too. Investing in yourself helps, you just have to force yourself to do things that bring you out of the slump of just feeling shitty or feeling like you don't enjoy really anything. I don't know if you feel anything like I felt, but whenever I was depressed it always seemed like all the things I enjoyed doing, especially gaming, I couldn't even bring myself to do.
I spent a long time like that and I spent a long time alone, something I figure you don't have a problem with. First step for me was just admitting I was depressed and that what I was doing wouldn't make it better. I hated my life and nothing made me feel happy and nothing seemed worth the effort. Second step was admitting to the people closest to me how I felt at the time, and the catharsis it provided was immensely valuable.
You're probably not like me, and I definitely don't have a wife or kids. But the thing that worked for me is forcing myself into a place and time where depression didn't occupy me as it did before. It's not easy, and I don't know exactly how to approach it from the situation you're in except to tell you that you can't expect different results from doing the same things that put you in the same situation you're in.
Change will help, though. The situation you're in or the life you live has somehow contributed to your depression, and so a change of lifestyle or behavior might help you gain perspective, if nothing else. If it doesn't work, what do you have to lose? Worst case scenario is you stay in the same state of mind as you did before, and you get the chance to evaluate, if by no other means, through trial and error, until you can at least get close to locking down the central issue causing you to be depressed.
It won't last forever, and the sooner you realize that the sooner you'll be able to climb to the precipice you need to ascend before you can shed the weight that's holding you down. It will happen, and it may not be at a moment of your choosing, unless you choose it to be so.
You're human, its only natural.
Do stuff you enjoy and are good at, to help build your confidence. Exercising definitely helps. I get a lot of it at work, but on the weekends I'll go for a stroll if I really need to iron shit out.
Do something. The worst thing you can do is sit there and dwell on it.
Some other things are contributing to it as well, my work one of them. I went for a promotion and was told (I kid you not) that I was one of the few in my department that was posting increased revenues and they couldn't afford to lose me. I was told I do my job to well by my regional manager essentially and in my place they hired someone outside the company with no experience. Out of close to 600 people in my company that do what I do I ranked in at 4th last year. My RM only promotes women though and now there is a huge union battle getting ready to take place with him over it. (others with more experience than myself also filed grievances that applied for the position) Also, the woman he hired? A 21 year old big boobed chick with no experience in our field. Who did they ask to help train her in? Me.
So dealing with that every day has been a slap in the face as well.
We're entering out busy season and wont be out of it until mid Sept. I'll be putting in 65 hour work weeks until then so other then work and family my time will be very limited. I'm trying to get out to at least walk and run but I find myself dwelling on shit when I do.
And Wrath you're right...I have no drive to game at all. Which sucks because I have a huge project in Minecraft I was working on and I was loving Skyrim before all of this too and now I can't even be bothered to turn anything on. I watched a movie last night, that helped a bit to keep my mind off things.
It's just like the perfect storm went off and I'm stuck in the middle of it at the moment. Feels bad man.
It sounds like you need something to take your mind off of it. I would pick up a hobby, could be anything that keeps your mind active, even video games. I would also recommend it being social as that can definitely help. I don't think I have ever been too depressed, but I have been in the past. For me, video games is a way to completely shut off my brain, when I was stressed / depressed about my job that was the only thing I could do that would prevent me from even thinking about anything else. Of course it was still there when I was done, but I was able to get a little peace.
What do you do for a living? Do you have any work from home or remote work opportunities? One of my buddies worked in downtown Minneapolis for a while and then moved to California. He stayed on at that place and just continues to work remotely.
Outside of that, while I am not sure it is a super good practice, I have developed, what I call, a pretty strong 'trained apathy'. Apathy may not be the right word, but it is basically disengaging and letting things pan out. It is largely about accepting that I do not have control over everything and not letting the little things get to me (Road rage, co workers, etc). It has taken quite a few years now, but I am much more relaxed and I am able to roll with the punches.
That's the thing, usually if its something I have no control over then I don't give a crap about it. The promotion is out of my hands but the situation surrounding it is beating me over the head every day I work. The stuff back home with my family I feel I do have some control over...but realistically it's not in the cards right now.
I work for Century Link, who does not have a presence in Michigan thus my issues with being unemployed and trying to find a job in a state that pays near when I make now that also has one of the nations highest unemployment rates.
In the end I know I'll have to get over it, but fuck...like I said, never felt this way before and I'll be damned if I know how to handle it all properly. I worry about my dad a lot though and really wish I could be out there to help him out.
Appreciate the responses.
rp. Citalopram 20mg x 1 daily
I listen to a lot of audiobooks to help with depression. I listen to a lot of Zig Ziglar, Tony Robbins, etc etc type self development books and it has done wonders for me. It really helps to put some positive self talk in your head instead of all the negative bullshit that you (read: me) have in your head a lot of the time that ultimately is what is making you depressed.
arent anti depressants bad for you?
ive been prescribed that shit and never took it, because to me its only going to be 100x worse when i dont have the pill.
Thread: Vicodin, Cigarettes, and My Fake Tits - from the diary of the Megan Fox of Ohio
That's awful and you should feel bad.
02-19-2013 02:33 PM
Thread: The ethics of stealing video games
Your justification in life is merely self serving. Imagine if society was 100% people like you, fuck living in that place.
05-15-2015 05:31 AM
the idiot who plays blessed shield with no jenkebabobob or foote
Seriously though, some good advice in this thread already. Exercise will help, however it can be hard to be motivated to start, especially when you are feeling depressed. But you will feel good when you finish and it really will help overall, just remember it isn't an instant solution, takes time and you need to stick with it. If you need some sort of program or something and don't have any equipment or access to it, the Insanity workout is all body-weight type exercises and has a ridged program for you to follow. If you aren't the gym type look into things like hikes and such.
I was taking a supplement called 5-HTP which is suppose to help with depression. I was taking it to help with insomnia but my wife noticed a marked improvement in my mood when I was taking it. It is available over the counter, but because it is a supplement there isn't a ton of research on possible side-effects of it, so make sure you do a little homework on it first before you self-medicate.
Last thing is it never hurts to see a professional. It might feel like you are admitting a weakness or it isn't manly or whatever, but a professional really can help you develop the coping skills you need to get through this.
I look at the feelings you are posting about and it is like seeing a past me from 5-10 years ago. The kid thing is hard, really hard. It looks like you are big on family, and that's great, good on you. I have come to a point in life where family is the most important thing to me, and I will not let any job get in the way of that.
Being social, exercise, and trying new things was my cure. I got back into the outdoors and backpacking, and even tried some weird stuff too. Ended up meeting my wife.
this goin get inturestin
Thread: Vicodin, Cigarettes, and My Fake Tits - from the diary of the Megan Fox of Ohio
That's awful and you should feel bad.
02-19-2013 02:33 PM
Thread: The ethics of stealing video games
Your justification in life is merely self serving. Imagine if society was 100% people like you, fuck living in that place.
05-15-2015 05:31 AM
the idiot who plays blessed shield with no jenkebabobob or foote
Hire Facebook, Hit your Lawyer and Delete the gym.
First off, you are in a relatively good position because your depression is not chronic in the sense it has been instigated by life events. If you had been suffering depression on and off throughout life it would be of far greater concern. I was in a very similar position in 2012-- I was watching my mom waste away from Cancer while simultaneously being burdened with far greater responsibility and stress at work. Trying to balance by work responsibilities while dealing with my mom was an anxiety and guilt filled nightmare, and towards the end I was smoking a pack a day in addition to self medicating myself with an entire bottle of wine just so I could fall asleep. It reached the point where my philosophy on life was "what's the point? You just slave at work all your life only to waste away and painfully die in the end". Then when she finally passed, the depression only deepened and the insomnia became chronic, with both items feeding each other in a vicious circle.
The things that finally helped me were the following:
1) Weed (when I could get it in buttfuck Texas) cured the insomnia which in turn helped the depression. Doctors had prescribed Ambien and Lunesta which were ineffective in keeping me asleep, and though Trazodone initially worked it became quickly ineffective. All these drugs also left me lethargic in the morning and weed didn't. Not condoning you start a marijuana habit, just telling you what worked for me. There's actually a dedicated insomnia thread I started because it was killing me.
2) Exercise helped. It wasn't the panacea for me like it seems to be for others, but it did help.
3) Wellbutrin. I took this to stop smoking but one of the side effects was a greatly increased energy level. Depression caused extremely low energy, which in turn translated into no motivation. The Wellbutrin made me feel "energized" and hence want to do things, which in turn helped the depression. It also didn't fuck with my behavior at all unlike the drugs mentioned below.
4) Vacation. I forced myself to finally take vacation and swore that it would be a "real" vacation, not one where I am completely stressed out by work and responding to emails from the beach. I went alone and used this week to entirely relax, see some beauty in the world, and ponder life.
Things that didn't work or make things worse:
1) Seretonin based drugs. This was the first thing my GP tried to push on me, and though I was very much against them, I was desperate and willing to try anything. These drugs were horrible and seriously fuck with your behavior and memory, and not in a good way. They also fuck with your dick. I spent one week on pristiq and one on Lexapro and told my doc I'd rather be depressed than take that shit.
2) Alcohol. This is actually the worst because it creates the illusion that you feel better, but it actually makes things worse by fucking with your sleep quality and worsening your depression.
3) New\old hobbies, but ONLY after I started feeling better. Initially I didn't have the energy/motivation to do them.
It took about six months after my life issues resolved and I started doing the things above that I felt a lot better. The depression has been replaced by apathy which is far less worse but still a problem. After seeing my mother horribly die right before my eyes something permanently "broke" and since then I feel almost nothing. No joy, but no unhappiness either-- just apathy. Nothing seems to affect me whether good or bad. I always thought it would be great to feel no emotion, but honestly it sucks.
Good luck and I hope you feel better. Like I said your depression stems from life events rather than being an ongoing pathological issue, so I think you have a good chance of getting a handle on it through relatively non extreme means.
Last edited by Frenzied Wombat; 07-24-2013 at 06:53 PM.
Regardless, I'd go talk to a physician, who knows it might be iron deficiency or whatnot, Tarrant - get standard blood works done and evaluation.
It's funny I stumbled across this thread. I just came to the realization yesterday that I too am going through depression. I told my wife about it, and am going to go see a Dr in the next few weeks.
Warning, I am going to go into a rant below, but it feels good to vent man.
This last year has been a rough one at home and at work, coupled with the barrage of stressors over the last 5 years with our family and her ex's family, and trying to stay strong and keep shit together for my family, it has just worn me out, etc. Anyways I started a new position last fall at the company I have been with for 10 years, in their IT department, working at one of the largest midwest hospital chains. I finally broke into the field without any degree and wanted it for the invaluable experience hoping to use it as a springboard into a well paying IT career in a year or 2. We were a local hospital and are are in the middle of a huge merger of companies and we run 4000+ computers between 6 guys (I was told industry standards high end is 300 computers per IT guy, we are running about 700 per guy, and 100+ printers per guy). Anyways, all was good the first 6 months, but we are at a point now, where we not only have to maintain our systems which in itself requires almost 50-60 hours a week with skipping lunch, just to keep from drowning, and then on top of it, we have been shoveled all these new shitstorms because of the merger, like domain migration of 4000+ computers we had to touch every one, 800+ printer subnetting again touching 4000+ pc's, which we barely got through with our sanity, and now we have an entire new main application system coming, replacing 2000+ computers that are too old, windows xp EoL reloading 4000+ pc's with Win 7 with highly specialized programs that take probably 3 hours each to set up all the apps, connecting to databases etc, baring no problems, and that's with imaging them. About 500 new computers coming in, renaming hostnames of these 4000+ pcs manually, not remotely, doing an entire manual on-site inventory of each and every machine, etc, all within the next 8 months or so. On top of this, we even had to unload some full semi's a couple weeks ago to unload some of the corporate IT head honcho's shit because they didn't want to wait for the regular truck unloaders to get to their truck. It's fucking ridiculous.
It maybe wouldn't be so bad, but we aren't really paid well at all, about as much as a manager at a fast food restaurant would make. We help the CEO and Chairman out all the time and stuff and they tell us how invaluable and awesome we are and how this place wouldn't run without us, yet they refuse to give us any more. To top it all off, this is the first year we are part of the new company, and we all got a letter the other day saying that due to failures to reach fiscal goals, no one is getting raises this year. It is at the point where, some of the guys who are the real ass-kissing go-getters and do every project with a smile, are even so pissed off because we have had our workload and responsibilities essentially tripled, and are doing projects that people in the field that normally get paid the big bucks, should be doing. Our office morale is literally shit. Our boss has even noticed this and has been trying to take us out for lunch, and wants to take us all out on his pontoon next weekend to a sandbar grillout/party/jet skis/fishing, etc. Now we have 3 of our senior guys applying for new jobs and a couple of them will be leaving soon for sure as they got new jobs lined up. They went and asked our boss for a raise, and he told them he can't get them any more and if you don't like it, there's the door. And this is coming from a boss who is normally cool shit and throws keggers at his house for the team regularly. We lost 1 guy about 6 months ago and it took about 3 months to even get approval to replace his position, and now we can't get any worthwhile applicants to accept the job due to the low pay.
It has gotten to the point where every day I come to work, I am 2-3 weeks behind and working on that old broken stuff and people are all pissed off but it's the fastest we can go, and we haven't even touched the new projects yet. Stressed wouldn't even describe it. Stressed was 3 months ago. Then to top it off, some of the guys that are going to be quitting, are literally pulling 60-80 hours a week, and if we go from 6 guys to 3, we will be literally doubling to tripling our workloads. And the other day one of the guys leaving, jumped me saying I am not pulling enough overtime to help the team out and said I should be a team player and be there all the time like the few of them that are. He said that I seem like I just don't care, and that if I want to work in the IT field, it is a 24/7 field and I should expect to work 80 hours a week. He was saying too it sucks we don't get paid enough, but we can stick it to them by working overtime, because then we get the raise we deserve (time and a half OT) and we should just work as much as we can, like 80-100 hours because it will fuck the man. Like this literally was his logic. I was like WTF man, I put in OT all the time and skip my lunches, and give up family time a lot just to try to help out, and I told him how I have come to the point where I have realized I can only do so much, I am only 1 person, and no matter what they shovel on me I will just keep my nose to the grindstone and go at the pace I'm going because I cannot literally go any faster, and I explained to him how the seeming like I don't care, is because the stress would keep me up at night, and I came to a point where I refuse to let it do that to me anymore, because it's just not worth it, and they can't afford to fire me, so I don't let it stress me out and maybe that's why I seem like I don't care, but I do care, but I can only do so much and refuse to let it eat at me anymore. Without coming out and saying it directly I was trying to imply I am not going to let myself be used and abused by a corporation with a smile. I am here to work, to make wages to support my family, not to make the company more money, or save them money buy allowing them to Chinese sweatshop our asses so they don't have to hire the actual needed staff. I was hired for 40 hours a week, mon-fri 8-5 and no OT required but offered if I want, and I already am helping them out more than I should be, and I refuse to let them assfuck me at shit wages just so they can make more money. Also, my wife works some evenings, and I stay home and watch the kids, and cannot work some of these times anyways, and they all knew that when I took the job. And he had the balls to make the comment well maybe I need to arrange some daycare to watch my kids so I can come in. Yeah, cuz I am going to fucking pay someone to watch my kids, so I can be away from my family more, and go make literally a couple bucks an hour after daycare fees, to help the 'company' out more. Anyways, the dude is an asskissing fucker, who has a wife and kid at home and has no problem not seeing them hardly ever, so I wasn't going to devulge much to him as I don't know if hes a talker or not, but he is the one that will for sure be leaving in the next few weeks as he got a new job at a new company, so I got dirt on him anyways. But, there has been secret talk amongst the guys that if they can't hire another person, they may raise the starting wage, which would not include a raise for us, which would mean we would be making less than the new person. But, again, I took this job as a springboard, more for the experience than the money, hoping to get a couple years experience in the IT field (and I am getting some invaluable experience with things like domain migration, subnetting, etc) and hopefully land a career salary job somewhere without needing a college degree/certs, and I intend to stick it out and do this, it just sucks in the meantime.
And this isn't even touching on the home-life stress. Dealing with a lot of shit over the last few years, dealing with immigration for my wife, dealing with her crazy ex who is an inmate, and his family always trying to cause problems for us by things like making crazy false reports year in and year out to social services and stuff trying to cause us problems, and they come here every time and see nothing is wrong and write it off, but never do anything against them because they have to take every report serious, etc. Plus he gets out of prison after 7 years, next month, for literally trying to kill us all. And then trying to stay strong for my family as my wife falls apart from the stress, etc, and it has just worn on me badly.
But going back to the depression, I have noticed I am tired all the time, I get off work after 10 hour days or so and literally want to nap/sleep and I have no sexual urges anymore, and can barely get out of bed in the morning, the alarm clock barely wakes me up anymore. Games, which have always been a huge part of my life and excited me, aren't even fun to me anymore, I even went on a vacation and didn't enjoy it that much, and the only thing that has really brought me enjoyment recently, was buying stuff. Like buying some new computer parts on sale, that I didn't really even need, and buying sales during this last steam sale, buying a new phone, bought a new pistol, etc. It's like a small, short burst of happiness, then I need to find something else to buy, and I know some spending is okay but it could also get out of hand spending money we don't have. I have 0 energy and have a hard time even doing shit like yardwork or cleaning around the house, etc. I don't even want to leave the house, and after doing some heavy thinking the other day, thought to myself, if I were to keel over, would I really even care? It would be some nice rest, I could stop the shit grind of life. Then it just kind of clicked on me, I am depressed. So anyways, I told my wife, that was hard, and she said she was worrying about the lack of any sex drive, etc. She has had depression in the past so she understood, and I am set up to go see my doctor soon, and hopefully go from there. But I am in one heck of a funk and hoping there is some solution for me. And I know exercise, at least at this point, is not an option for me, as I literally have no energy, and my motivation is such shit I can hardly leave the house, let alone get myself to work out, which in the past even when I wasn't depressed, never really liked to do anyways. But at least I know what is causing my depression. Unfortunately I cannot change the causes of it right now really, but I can hopefully get on something that will help me deal with it better. And after typing this and re-reading it, damn I should have seen the warning flags months ago.
Also just out of curiosity, you guys in the IT field, I know there are some here. Is there good value in experience over formal education in the IT field? I am hoping that by putting up with this shit, I will be able to have a killer resume in a year from now, and be able to hopefully get a job at an electric company or gas company, or refinery, or bank or better yet a govt job. Is there hope for me without a degree and certs? Will I be able to coast on a couple years of experience and the experience of domain migration/subnetting/win 7 migration/merger, etc? Everyone around here knows the name of our hospital, so name dropping that will be a bonus as everyone knows about the big "merger". And all the guys that worked my position prior to me, have all moved on to good salary careers, but I think they all had degrees. Because if this shit doesn't pan out, I may just quit my job and my wife can go to full-time work and make probably more than me, and I will just be a stay at home dad/and android/indie game programmer and try to make a supplemental income making android games or some shit, something I enjoy doing, but don't have the time to.
Last edited by Stave; 07-25-2013 at 02:50 AM.
No amount of experience is worth a job that is quite literally killing you.
Get the fuck out of that job, man.
Therapy leads to long term change. Medication leads to short term change. In moderate to severe cases, therapy+medication is optimal. See a doc
To Tarrant: everyone goes through periods where life sucks and they feel down. Do your best and wait it out. There are no simply solutions. If it becomes a problem that isn't going away, see a therapist, don't ask a forum where everyone suddenly is an armchair doctor.
I was just wondering how those who go through it handle it, I wasn't asking for medical advice to follow blindly. It's a discussion forum and this what what I felt like having a discussion about.
I do not or have not ever had it, but my mother's side of the family seems pretty stricken with it (including my brother). It's a strange beast, and when you don't suffer from it it's really hard to understand those that do. It's not really any advice I guess, but just how I see it.
Sorry to hear your troubles, Tarrant and Stave.
My recommendation to Stave would be to find a new job and my recommendation to Tarrant would be to fuck your wife like an animal.
Reading what Stave wrote has made me depressed.
Get the hell out of that job dude. What use is an killer CV when it is literally killing you in getting it?
Last edited by Neki; 07-26-2013 at 02:01 AM.
You can do some gardening, it's very fulfilling and relaxing.
And by gardening I mean builds some gardens in front of the minecraft cathedral.
Did you ever think of getting a pet ?
I have pets already, they are awesome.
Still feeling pretty down. All I've had time for as of late is work 12 hours, come home and spend an hour with my son, put him to bed, eat and go to bed myself. I guess that's somewhat helping keep my mind off things but not much.
Found out my dad had an attack last night. His illness causes weird things to happen in his body. Last night he was sitting there and his went into a coughing fit and his throat closed off causing him to pass out. My mother was there to help him sit up and open his airway and he was only out for about 5 or 6 seconds. Today though the rest of his body is responding and his feet are swelling up to the point where his skin is splitting so he's stuck in bed unable to walk, not that his legs would be strong enough to support him anyway. He'll be this way for a week or so probably.
Kills me to know he's going through this shit. Kills me even more to know I'm 11 hours away from him and can't help out.
I've dealt with depression for about 12 years now, it sucks. It flares up every once and a while and I have never really learned how to deal with it properly. I've been on anti depressants, which I hated and stopped pretty quick and I've seen a few therapists but never found the right person for me so it was never very helpful. My husband is super supportive though and helps out a lot if I get weepy.
People say get out of the house and do something physical, but this is always hard because you lack the motivation to do it. What works best for me is to get myself involved in some project, busy work that I can spend most of my time obsessed with for however long it takes to snap out of it. Then everything goes back to normal unless the next round hits and I do it again. I'm at a good point right now so I'm trying to find a non computer hobby to try and get into so it won't be so hard to get motivated when I'm feeling low again.
I'm sorry you're going through it Tarrant, I know how hard it is. Do try to do the working out thing, so many people do say it helps or just find a project to keep you busy for awhile. This is not the time to make big life changing decisions though, save those for when you're not feeling like crap, then reexamine.
Your father is dying, I would be more worried if you *weren't* depressed. I won't whitewash things for you-- it will get worse after he passes, but again this is normal. I would implore you to do everything possible to spend as much time with him as possible in whatever you consider to be his final months. If you feel that you can invoke FMLA to take time off without effecting your career, do it. Even though my sisters were there and she had a hospice nurse, to this day I consider myself a selfish pussy for not taking time off using FMLA so I could spend more time with her during her final month. This despite the fact that I would visit almost every day for an hour after work.
P.S: It sounds like your dad has lymphedema? If so, my mom had this towards the end as well. Her legs swelled up to the size of tree trunks. Technically there's nothing to treat it except massage, however we found this device that worked wonders. We had to order it from Israel but it brought the inflammation way down and mad her more comfortable. http://megoafek.com/index.php?id=10
Last edited by Frenzied Wombat; 07-26-2013 at 10:51 PM.
He has a rare form of muscle myopathy and only a hand full of people have it. It's of c quadrant, it's slowly degrading his body until he'll be in a wheel chair for the rest of his life. It started in his legs where his feet would swell and split/bleed and he would be walking and his legs would just give out on him. There is no cure and he went 11 years without doctors being able to pinpoint what it was, the only reason they figured it out was a doctor from London was at Henry Ford the same day he was, saw his chart and talked with my dad and ran his own series of tests. It's genetic, but can only be passed on by the mother.
Over the years (it started when he was 36, hes 56 now) it moved into his chest where the muscles in his chest will tighten to the point where it's like he's having a heart attack. We've been told if he ever does have one we wont know until it's to late because we'll just think it's his myopathy. It then moved into his throat and his throat will now just close off at random choaking him until he passes out.
Now all of the three will just hit randomly or all at once and he will be stuck in bed for a few weeks while his body is too weak to move. He'll then get better and be okay for awhile until it starts all over again. Doing too much can cause an attack as well or any jar to his system. I saw him hit his knee on the tailgate of his truck and 4 hours later was in bed for a week and a half. Its even more heart breakin gbut my dad was a very active outdoorsman. Hunting, fighing...he loves lawn work and almost all of it has been taken from him.
It wont kill him, but its slowly crippling him. Hes also being treated for prostate cancer at the moment which is throwing his body out of wack on a constant basis.
So yeah, that's my dad.
Sorry if there's a lot of errors in this, typing from my phone.
I am prone to depression, but have been successful in keeping it at bay for many years without medication. Here's how I deal with it, I hope something here is helpful to you.
1. Routine. Get yourself in a true routine, and be thoughtful about what becomes part of your routine. Consistent bed time is a good one, so you don't end up staying up late, getting yourself tired, and falling deeper into depression. Include exercise in that routine - I know many have said it, but it's life changing to have that as part of your day. Regular hours, regular sleep, regular down/up time. It helps amazingly.
2. Friends. This I cannot stress enough. I have regular, repeating weekly engagements with people I know and love on Sundays, Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and some Fridays. There are people I see three or four times a week. Close friends. They hold me accountable. They ask how I am, and I'm so intimately involved with them, they know if I'm bullshitting when I say "I'm fine." There is nothing, not even drugs, that are as effective a balm for depression as friends who love you unconditionally. Find some. There are people in your life already that can fulfill this, you just haven't tapped into it, yet.
3. Perhaps most importantly, remember that this is an illness, not something you need to "get over." Ever heard someone say, "It's just cancer, get over it?" Saying, "You're just depressed, get over it" is just as stupid. Don't put it aside, thinking it will go away. Don't feel stupid for having an issue with it. Don't hide it, let the people you love know you're struggling with it.
In any case, I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I hope you're able to find something helpful in this thread, and I hope your situation becomes one that fills you with joy.
Here's a little to make you smile.
My favorite is 'pull yourself together'.
Originally Posted by http://www.findingoptimism.com/blog/relationships/snap-out-of-it/
“Stop taking all those medicines.”
Its been said before all throughout the thread but the most important things are keeping yourself busy... Don't give your brain a chance to think about feeling empty. Make sure you are getting enough sleep. Lack of sleep will wreck you faster than anything else. A change in diet can work wonders depending on the kinds of foods you are eating regularly. Make sure you have friends that you can talk to. All those things sound great and wonderful but in the heat of depression you will not have the motivation to do any of it. You need friends that you can talk to and make them take you out, bring over a movie, have dinner with. You don't even need to sit and talk about your depression with them. You just need them there to keep you happy enough to naturally raise your serotonin levels.
Depression sucks because when it's rough, you cannot brute force your way out of it. You have to put things in place before it hits.
Lastly, stop working 12 hours a day. Stop. No amount of money or job security is worth the fallout in your body.
Good luck, man.
I get that. I do. Problem is, your not everyone else. Heck. No one is everyone else. Some people can do that and it's fine. Some people can do that and they lose their mind. Some people can do that as long as they don't have kids or a wife. Some people can do that BECAUSE they have kids and a wife.
Point is who cares what anyone else is doing. You aren't living anyone else's life. You are living yours.
One thing I remember being told when I was younger... Who is the better father? The guy who takes the promotion that let's him make twice as much but he works twice as much? Out the guy who doesn't take the promotion and only make enough to scrape by but has plenty of free time with the family? I can't answer that for, as I don't know what is more important to you. You seem like you value your family pretty highly, though. Just my 2 cents.
I mean you're right, I could choose to be unemployed instead of working through a month of overtime but I'd rather not do that.
Well of course, I mean I'm not saying quit your job. But I think it's worth taking some time to figure out if the benefits outweigh the hindrances.
My hours are only crazy one month out of the year. I can deal with that just fine.
Fair enough. What about the other stuff? Any recent changes in diet? Solid sleep? Any routines out of whack?
It really helps with the long hours
Only major recent diet change was I stopped drinking soda. I'm actually the same amount of sleep if not a bit more and routines aren't really out of whack.
I think it's just a big boy case of being home sick.
I've been living off Citalopram for about a half a year and it's working nicely. I suffer from clinical depression (recurring every few year or so), so it may not for people like tarrant (talking generally). I used to have a rushing thought that would keep me awake for days and shit. Not anymore though.
Last edited by Trollface; 07-30-2013 at 11:11 PM.
I am getting $60 for 30 pills (prescription fee included). I have not yet noticed any unpleasant side effects (because anxiety level before this was insane).
I think there is a generic brand out there that is probably much cheaper.
TO CLARIFY AND FIX MY MISTAKE: Using Cipralex/Escitalopram 10mg
Last edited by Trollface; 07-30-2013 at 11:59 PM.
I see. The prescription fee is payed via the public health insurance where I live. Obama health care should have your arse covered, no?
Yes, the benefits must outweigh the adverse effects for it to be prescribed, that's a given. By definition, a drug with an effect can have an adverse effect. Not all perceive them, thankfully. It's related to genetics - receptors and metabolizing enzymes (cyp450 etc) - so one can't predict for every single patient, but for the vast majority.
He lives in America's hat.
Originally Posted by supertouch
for those who asked:
i haven't sucked her penis but i have stroked it. it sounds odd but i don't view it as a masculine organ on her.
Tarrant, I have concerns for you, given all that you describe. Like many here, I have dealt with the Black Dog for years, and tried many, many ways to deal with it, and balance myself.
Everything changed, though, when I lost my Dad to cancer--and I was on the other side of the planet when it happened; I never even got the chance to see his body and say goodbye. It destroyed me, and completely altered my illness, and it took years to figure that out.
. I'm glad you can talk about these feelings here, but I really hope that you can find the courage to speak to a professional. Just screaming about how helpless I felt helped me; maybe something similar may help you find the right path to balance for yourself.
Feel free to message me, if I can help at all.
My dad started his radiation yesterday. It was 1 of 25 sessions and he has to do them monday though friday for the next 5 weeks roughly. His other illness is already causing his body to react adversely to it and his legs and feet are swelling up. Luckily they have an electric wheelchair and crane for that chair in the back of their truck to lift it up into it for transportation because he's not going to be able to walk after a few more days for who knows how long.
This is also the time of year they start cutting wood for winter. They have friends who are pitching in but I think I'm going to file a leave of absence with my union and go out there for a 4 day weekend in the next week or two to help out with it and whatever else my parents need done.
I miss my kids a lot too, I don't know if anyone elses here goes though long periods of not seeing any or all of their kids but I've been doing it with my oldest two for almost 5 years now and it never gets easier. I'll see them again in 3 weeks.
Overall I've been getting a bit better, work has kept my mind busy but I'm swinging worse and worse into it when it happens. Before I was steady just being down now I have moments where I'm okay and then swing deeper into than I was when I started. My wife has been sick too and staying home from work this week so that's also kept my attention, taking care of her and our son soaks up what little free time I have.
Things will get better, I know they will. I keep telling that to myself, it seems to help a bit.
yeah, there's a lot to be said for "acting as if"
it gets a bit hokey, but there's this idea that the power of words is the strongest force known to man. you walk around talking about how you don't feel well, or how tired you are and that's what happens. it's not that you just convinced yourself that's how you feel.. it's that THAT is ACTUALLY how you feel. same goes for the reverse. if you feel like crap, you're tired and you hate yourself... you start talking about how happy you are, how you can't wait to go rock climbing after work, you can't wait to get up and greet the day in the morning... stuff like that... all of a sudden you're feeling better; more energetic, happier with your life.
it's clearly not an immidiate thing, and like i said taking that idea to it's logical conclusion is... well... delusional (i can fly... i can fly... i can--splat) but the point is that SPEAKING positively, makes you feel positive. speaking negatively makes you feel negative. i know a lot of people who struggle with depression, will have a little mantra that they say in the morning. they'll write down some positive things and read it outloud in the morning. /cue stuart smalley
Last edited by j00t; 08-01-2013 at 02:57 PM. Reason: can't figure out how to embed videos... =(
Yeah I do all those things, those around me and those at work have no idea anything is going on. I'm usually the annoyingly positive guy that everyone has at work that sees the bright side of everything and is optimistic about every situation. I'm still that guy at work with both co workers and clients (I wouldn't be as effective at my job if I weren't) but inside I'm not and its something I'm working through for the first time.
Lik eI siad, I know things will eventually flip flop back to how they were and I'll feel better but it seems to be a lengthy process getting there.
Sounds like you're not left much room for yourself in all this. You're don't have to carry the burden all by yourself. It's okay to be human imho. Coping mechanisms are paradigm in dealing with this and not drown. I'd see a professional, no doubt - They know how and can teach you. It doesn't have to be dopey-dopey, if that's what you fear or see as tabu.
Yeah I've thought about it and if it persists I see it happening, I only have 4 days off this month though so I'll have to make it though as best as I can. Unless I take the leave of absence to go out to help the parents, then I could probably sneak it in there.
Treat it like a doctors appointment. Set it up and let your boss know in advance. Most sessions are about an hour so give yourself enough to travel... But still... Take off an hour or so early from work and take care of yourself.
We know how important work is for you and you've said the house are temporary... But if you got stabbed in the gut, you wouldn't wait until the busy season is over to go see someone about it.
Thats true, I never thought about it that way I guess. Gonna wait a couple days and see if I take the leave or not because If I do it will cause my days off to change I was told, which my Union told me it can't so now they are fighting back and forth over that. Which is awesome.
Maybe I'll just schedule a tentative date and move it if needed. Insurance coveres it all so that's nice.
The biggest thing I struggled with, and I think may come to play with you, is that life will *never* be the same again. This changes you. Traumatic family illness changes you, just as your children changed you when they were born. I lost my father, suffered a serious injury, and miscarried my first pregnancy all within the same 12 months--and in hindsight, I did more damage to myself, my ex-partner, and everyone around me by clinging to the idea that if I "just kept going/working/paying the bills/etc" that things would definitely "go back to normal." I remembered normal....surely, it was just around the corner, as soon as I got through this little hurdle...or maybe this one...or it's gotta be coming now.... You get the idea.
Your Father is sick. I urge you...if you haven't already, to do some research on what chemo can and does do to a body. It can be shocking just being around it 24/7, but if you aren't, and you see him after a few weeks of being away, you need to be prepared. Prepared enough to potentially be able to keep a warm, loving smile on your face and in your eyes when you see him, if he is doing poorly. Have something positive to talk about--something interesting. You'll run out of things to talk about after you ask him about what is going on, and how he feels. There will be that awkward pause...and you need to remember, no matter how stressed you are, he is infinitely more terrified, even if he never admits it. Don't be afraid to touch him and hold his hand; often people on chemo come to hate the nurses and doctors that are forced to give them that horrible stuff; touches of sincere affection make a great salve to that. You need to be able to explain it calmly to your children, in terms they can understand and that won't frighten them more than they already are. Sadly, I have been through chemo with my Dad, and with previous partners families...these are just a few things I've picked up.
Most important: keep that appointment. And afterwards, do something for yourself--and by yourself. There will be a lot to process. Go see a movie; have an ice cream; go to the mall and count how many teenagers with funny hair. Play GTA and beat the living crap out of everyone you see. Just something completely for you.
It's getting worse, currently googling and checking reviews for decent people to make an appointment to go see.
Your personal physician's office will have a list of recommendations, likely. Might be more credible than an internet search?
Possibly, I'll take a look into them on Monday.
Wherever you live, there should be a 24 hour depression hotline--the US Suicide Prevention Network is 1-800-273-TALK (8255.) You don't have to be suicidal to speak to them; they are there just to listen, especially in the middle of the night when Monday, or your actual appointment, seems so far away. Alternatively, you can *always* speak with Hopeline @ 1-800-442-HOPE (4673).
Keep in touch with us, okay?
I recently started taking a yoga class a couple times a week and I highly recommend it. I had a terrible shitty day today, on the verge of tears all day, was dead set on not going because I was not at all in the mood to leave my house, but I forced myself to go and I am super happy I did. It is amazing how it takes you completely out of your head and relaxes your mind and body. I came home totally different.
I know it is considered a chick thing, but there are always a few guys in my class too. It is really helping, so if you are even the least bit interested, give it a shot.
I'm starting to get angry over all this. How fucking hard is it to not be down for 5 fucking minutes? I don't fucking get it at all.
Appointment was made, can't see them till next week.
I've been dealing with depression and bipolar disorder for the last decade or so. I've learned to cope with it, live with it.
There's at least two puzzles with depression that you need to solve. The first is to recognize and accept that the chemistry in your head is fucked up. It's not you, you aren't fucked up. You don't feel down. It's just the chemicals man, and you can do some things to alleviate that. Drink something and then move around. Get some sunlight. The chemical funk tends to ease off a bit. If it's serious you'll want to get meds. They're a crap shoot but they do help once you and your doctor find the coctail that "works".
The second puzzle is the malaise and nihilism. This is the kind of "depression" most people go through at least once. The best thing I can say about this part of depression is some bullshit tagline I heard from a therapist that stuck with me. "Depression is mourning what you lost or what could have been". I'm not really sure if that means anything to anyone else, but it made sense to me. It's mourning some shit that went wrong that can never be fixed. DON'T GET STUCK HERE. The only way out is to set yourself a goal. Do something that's challenging. That way you can push yourself into motion and put your focus on things you can change or that you do have control over. Stoicism really helped with this. Accepting what you have control over and what you don't.
Depression is a mother fucker. Good luck.
“Men and women are made for each other, but their mutual dependence differs in degrees; man is dependent on woman through his desires; woman is dependent on man through her desires and also through her needs; he could do without her better than she can do without him. She cannot fulfill her purpose in life without his aid, without his goodwill, without his respect... Nature herself has decreed that woman, both for herself and her children, should be at the mercy of man's judgment.”
See a trained clinical/counseling psychologist who is adamant about using empirically supported treatments. For depression that will likely mean CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), though mindfulness-based therapies are showing a lot of promise. Anyone who is into psychoanalysis or tries to push some kind of unique therapy is full of shit. Also check where they were trained at. There are lots of degree-mill PsyD schools with questionable training and accreditation.
I don't really get depressed and generally find things to keep my mind entertained. However, I'd lie if I said I didn't get it ever so often where nothing worked and in those cases its pretty bad. To be honest -- what works best for me, is that I go out and drive ~100 miles or so and hang out in a few small towns, and enjoy nature for a day or two. Take my mind off work, plant a tree, relax. I've only done it once while I've been married the last three years and my wife is totally understanding.
There are just times in life where you need to say fuck it and get away from it all and keep things incredibly simple.
I deal with it. I actually never cared for medical science, as they've come up short in a lot of ways over my life. However, when I had my breakdown, I found groups. I got completely addicted to them and now I run my own under a pretty big local organization.
Completely changed my life. I learned that medication isn't by itself an answer, but part of an answer. It really comes to how much you give to your recovery in order for it to give back to you. I know it sounds like nonsense, but generally speaking, the more serious you take it, the better your results will be. People struggle with denial and can live their whole life not knowing and just suffering the whole time. Each step in recovery is massive, because each step is something only a few people will accomplish in their lives. Stopping your medication because you think you're better is the next hurdle. This struggle takes some people years, or the rest of their life to accept as well. Then comes emotional awareness. All that mediation, self help books etc try to convey the message to be aware of the thoughts in your mind but not to attach emotional responses to them. Cognitive behavioral therapy comes next. Reprogramming your mind to remove negative thinking and habits and replace them with what it is you intend for your life.
Easier said than done, but wow, in the 2 years I've been doing this, I feel more evolved. I'm not impervious to life, but atleast the minor bullshit doesn't have the same impact. The biggest test for me personally was a breakup. Instead of completely taking me out for months, it wasn't even a thing to me this time.
The best way to be, in terms of truth, is actually a mild form of depression:
Depressive Realism - Psychology Today
If so, the concept of depression may—at least in some cases—be turned onto its head and positively redefined as something like ‘the healthy suspicion that modern life has no meaning and that modern society is absurd and alienating’. For many mental healthcare experts and professionals, this is the sort of irreligion that calls for anathema. Yet the question of the meaning of life is the most important question that a person can ask, and the realization that life might be lived differently is bound to provoke a depressive reaction, a harsh winter that yet may be followed by a beautiful spring.
As ever, one must be very careful not to confuse our human nature with inadequacy, or the tender shoots of wisdom with mental illness.
Some good advice, some... interesting advice. The only thing I have to add is that it's important to find a therapist that fits you. I've seen several friends/family start therapy and then stop pretty soon and never try again, because they just didn't gel with their guy/gal, for any of several reasons. If the first person you try isn't doing anything for you, get recs and try someone else. If they don't work, try again. DO NOT let this be a reason you don't follow through.
I got super lucky with my dude, especially because the bulk of his experience was in treating PTSD from various sources, which is largely what I suffer from. And if you don't understand, or disagree with what you are hearing, say that. Just like when you purchase any other service, don't be afraid to expect that you get what you are paying for (if that makes sense), and find the right person for the job.
Any more information? How are you feeling?
During a very bad episode of depression last year I started taking anti-depressants, personally I don't understand the point of them, I'm miserable because of the things around me are having a negative effect on me, all anti-depressants do is make you give less of a fuck, they solve nothing.
Seeing a therapist does help me, I talk and talk and talk about the things that get me down, something I never really did before, I have different personas for different situations, one for work one for home etc and they're all a defense mechanism so having someone to talk to about everything is nice.
I already talked with the doctor over the phone I'll be meeting. We've already talked I about how I wont be taking drugs.
That's the i'm depressed but I want to be happy game.
I ask a lot of people that come in to group if their problems would be solved if they were somewhere else, like Hawaii. Would you be happy there, or do you think your problems would follow you there? There definitely is such a thing as situational depression, but if you have a chemical imbalance you have to adjust it with something external.
Last edited by W4RH34D; 08-14-2013 at 04:29 AM.
To clarify, from http://http://health.howstuffworks.c...depression.htm
"Depression is a disorder of the brain. Researchers in the area of mood disorders believe that chemicals called neurotransmitters are involved in depression. Nerve impulses cause the release of chemicals from one nerve cell, or neuron, to the next, allowing cells to communicate with one another. Too little or too much of these important neurotransmitters may be released and cause or contribute to depression. Some of the neurotransmitters believed to be linked to depression are serotonin , norepinephrine, and dopamine."
Some people need meds, some don't. Some struggle to find the right type, some get lucky right away, some struggle for years. Above all, depression is a condition deserving of support, not sarcasm. And Tarrant has more than just that on his plate.
Glad you found someone to speak with, Tarrant; I hope the in-person appointment goes well. Will be thinking of you!
The current discussion, is why you need to therapist/doctor shop. If you are the type where once you commit you are loathe to try something else, don't step foot in someone's office until you have had a phone consult with the person. Find out what treatment methodologies they ascribe to. Find out what they are like, etc. I had this happen for my ex, and we went through 5, and ended up seeing one of them for myself later after some rough stuff happened (practical life issues).
My ex? Didn't like anyone of them for various reasons and had we known at the time that say one of them into (as an example) biofeedback and acupuncture when the issue calls for talk therapy things probably aren't gonna work out. Or if the type of talk therapy doesn't work well for someone. I have seen therapists that are more forceful, and opinionated (while still being professional) and others that are gentle, calm and fatherly. Not everyone wants drugs, or can even physically take them for various reasons.
If the therapist doesn't call back or doesn't have time to do a phone screen -- you probably don't want them anyway. It will save a lot of time.
American Psychiatric Association recommends therapy or medication or both for depression. A good psychiatric clinician will present options to a patient and be respectful of their wishes. As a clinician, I don't care which option a patient chooses (however, most depressed patients require therapy) as long as it works for them.
Last edited by Vanderhoof; 08-17-2013 at 07:53 AM.
What I'm concerned about now is the lasting damage over six years of undiagnosed untreated depression has done to my personality, I do poorly socially and even worse with women (or I have self esteem low enough to think this is true). If I could somehow have normal friendships and relationships then think that would be the last peice of the puzzle to get rid of the remaining anxiety and occasional depressive episodes.
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