Watch the pocket pussy episode of Blue Mountain State.
I've been eyeing (eying?) these cock socks, but the reviews I've read give the impression that palm pals are nice, but really not that great. Does anyone around here have any first hand experience with virtual vaginas that they'd like to share?
Also, lube. I have no idea.
p.s. can cunt.
Watch the pocket pussy episode of Blue Mountain State.
Just get a burrito from Taco Bell. It's inexpensive, discreet, and if you can't get it up you have a nice meal.
Think your money would be better spent getting a hooker, pop your cherry first before turning to rubber.
When I was a pastry chef, we had this one gay waiter that used to love to tell us all sorts of fucked up stories. He told me and some of my staff that one time, at another restaurant he was working at, one of the cooks asked him if he ever tried "the warm melon". Apparently the dude would cut a dick sized hole in a cantaloupe and put it in the oven long enough to warm up the inside, and proceed to go to town. Sounds cheaper than a fleshlight, and less of a mess than a burrito if you ask me.
He also told me a great gay joke: "What's the difference between a fag and a refrigerator?"
"A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull the meat out"
Originally Posted by Wolfen
One of my favorite episodes.. that and the dick pic episode.
Turkish Proverb: "A woman for duty / A boy for pleasure / But a melon for ecstasy."
At the risk of exposing myself to ridicule, I have a Fleshlight. A couple of years ago a girl I was dating bought me one as a gift for my birthday because she was a goddamn nympho and she had always wanted to give one a try. I'm sure no one will believe that, and it is the internet where women are men and swamp donkeys have more power than they should, so I won't waste any more time trying to convince anyone.
They come with various "sleeves" and I have no idea which one mine is, but I'm pretty sure it was the standard one they recommend. It is also modeled after Ariel/Piper Fawn. She surprised me with it so I didn't get to pick, but I probably would have picked her or Eufrat anyway. I believe that costs a little bit extra, but you can get just a generic one, or even a butthole one if you want. Maybe even one that is supposed to simulate a mouth, but I'm not positive on that.
It is pretty much what you would expect, feels great, etc. Cleanup isn't really too bad, and they either include or she bought some "refreshing" stuff that you are supposed to apply to it to keep the material from deteriorating. I have no clue how that works but it isn't very difficult either.
As far as lube, obviously you need to have water-based, not oil-based, as that will eventually ruin the material. They give you a little bottle of it, and she bought a bigger bottle of some stuff called "gun oil lube" I believe. It is supposedly developed by a guy that was really in the military and based it off of gun oil. Again, don't fucking ask me. I'm sure that any water-based lube would be fine, and I'm equally certain that buying it somewhere else would be significantly cheaper. I've honestly never bought lube in my life so I'm no expert, but I can't imagine they sell it cheaper than somewhere else.
So, all that being said...I haven't used the thing in at LEAST six months. When she used it on me (typically during Aunt Flo's visit), it was great. Since parting ways (a good two years or more maybe?), I've used it a few times but it just doesn't really do it for me. Well, to clarify, it does *do* it for me if you know what I mean, but this is going to be the crux of your decision making I believe. This may be a little bit TMI, but we all jerk off, so I'll just explain. I typically jerk off in front of the computer. When I was younger I'd do it wherever, shower, bed, etc. But now with the vast array of internet porn available, the computer is the prime spot. That means I'm sitting in a chair and my hand is doing the work, while my other hand is clicking the mouse as needed. That's all well and good in a normal jerk off session, but when you bring the Fleshlight into it, sitting in a chair relatively motionless just feels wrong. Like, you want to be thrusting and getting into it. Like I said it was all well and good when she was using it and I could move around, thrust, etc. And the fact that she was holding it made a big difference too. I've used it a few times with the TV instead of the computer, laying down, standing up, etc. and that's a lot better. But that's not the way I typically jerk off. I can totally see where people get the urge to wedge it into their mattress or buy some contraption to hold it, because you want to feel like you're fucking right?
So that would be my advice to anyone considering buying one: assess the way you would use it the majority of the time, and then decide how often you'd do that versus normal jerking off. If this one were to disappear, I wouldn't buy another one because I really don't think I'd use it enough to justify the cost. But if you jerk off differently, it might be perfect for you. It isn't too hard to clean or maintain, and it definitely works, so it is just a matter of how much you think you might actually use it. It sounds great at first, but for some like me it isn't really necessary. I mean, I'll still use it from time to time, and if I find another chick to use it on me I'm sure I'll be glad I have it, but you get the point.
Anyway, I hope that helps. Hopefully I don't get too much shit for this, but I'm sure others have them too and maybe they'll post their opinions now that I've started the ball rolling.
Just use your girlfriend's hand. If she wakes up, pretend you are sleepwanking.
I had a fleshlight and end the end it became more of a hassle having to clean the damn thing after every use. It defiantly feels better than your right hand, just annoying having to clean it after using it.
thanks Vvoid, good post. it sounds like something that would benefit me and my self banging habits.
This is my new favorite thread on these forums.
We need to get Mr. Rock Hard Weekend to product test a pocket pussy and his enhancement drugs at the same time.
The wife bought me a fleshlight a few years ago, I've used it a handful of times. It does get the job done and it is better than your hand but the whole cleanup factor sucks. I still use it once in a while just for the hell of it.
I chalk it up to her being embarrassed by the quantity, or smell, or even just the look perhaps. Dunno, but she was more than willing to use mouth, hand, or fleshlight during those days, so it wasn't too big of a deal. And I'm pretty sure that contributed to the gifting of the fleshlight in the first place, so at least I got something out of it.
I have a Tenga Fliphole. The thing I like about these is rather than trying to copy a vagina, there are all kinds of different textures and knobs and what not through the whole thing so the sensations are much different than a vagina (or a reproduction of one). Since I already have a real vagina I get to use on a regular basis, having something that feels different is cool. Also clean-up isn't bad since the whole thing opens up, you just rinse out and let it air dry.
That thing is a James Bond of pocket pussy.
I had a fleshlight for a while and was happy with the purchase. It was a much better experience than just using a hand by far. The problem with them is the fucking maintenance. They're really difficult to clean thoroughly, and finding a private place to air dry them with enough of an airflow is a pain.
Jesus Christ, that thing looks like something designed by Al Qaeda! Science!
My girlfriend at the time bought me a Lelo (for him) prostate massager. It's basically a smaller, slightly different-shaped vibrator that you stick up your ass. I was a bit skeptical at first - this was a completely out of the blue gift, but I have to say it's pretty good. I've used it completely inserted and also used it just to sort of buzz around the general area from the outside. I have had some really great orgasms with it, but similar to the fleshlight it's a bit of a production with the lube etc. and cleaning it, so I often default to the right hand.
Try attaching these two things (after taking RHW):
Turn it on high and see how long you can last without nutting. It is a clean nut too. Just leave the sumbitch attached to your penis, and cum over and over again for a few hours, and then pass out.
Last edited by Lyrical; 12-08-2012 at 11:30 PM.
Tenga eggs. I suggest just get the six pack variety see which one you like the best!
Buddy got one of these and told me about it, I told someone else, etc.
TLDR = Bunch of dudes at work were fucking these things.
Different strokes from different yolks...rofl.
It seems like a handjob from Michael J Fox would be rather expensive?
I thought we were talking about Evelys. Also, what the fuck is a clean nut? Is there a dirty version or?
A clean nut is when it is just straight sperm and no surrounding fluid. Shoots out like meringue, or shaving cream, all fluffy like.
Watching Iron Man 2 again?
Oh you guys.
A Google image search for "clean nut" is rather disappointing.
Number one best seller for men.
And clean nuts.
For like a half second I was gonna spoiler the egg pic then remembered this was a thread for pocket pussies....sometimes I'm not too bright.
Haha, do you think lesbians take these things and just rub them against their pussies like they're scissoring?
To contribute to the thread: How many of you actually use these things? I've got a pal that's always like, "Dude, you should get a pocket pussy. Feels good man." And I have to explain to him that I jack it like Snoop smokes weed and it's just not happening. Although that James Bond spy shit that opens up for easy cleanup would be more convenient than some of this other stuff.
Last edited by 001001102; 12-18-2012 at 11:44 PM.
Thinking about the whole cleaning thing I wonder why these things don't come with a couple of small pink balloons so you could pull out and come on the tits.
Only on FOH, can a thread that is supposed to be about pussies turn into a thread about dicks in the ass. Jefflys would be proud.
Last edited by Lyrical; 12-19-2012 at 03:56 PM.
Sure. There's several guidelines though:Originally Posted by Lyrical
-Can't be shaped like an actual penis (head etc.)
-Can't be black/brown in color
I'm not a homophobe I just hate anything about gay culture, use gay as an insult and am so narrow minded I think the only thing that qualifies a gay is by jamming stuff up their anus.
But I love them.
I was kissing and talking about sex with a previous girlfriend and she flat out said "this is how I want you to fuck me, and when I get close to coming I want you to put a finger in my ass because that really intensifies my orgasm." I did and it did....does that make her gay for liking it?
Guys have a prostate gland, and it can feel good when it's stimulated. You can do it from the outside - try having someone rub or press on your taint with their finger. Or, you can do it from the inside. Don't knock it until you've tried it.
Lyrical either going full retard or turning dumb comment into troll.
I'd never buy one of these things because if anyone found it I'd be forced to kill myself
It's one thing to say "yea I look at internet porn, who doesn't?" But to have a fake rubber vagina that you have to lube up and thoroughly clean out, if anyone ever found it I'd be god damn mortified.
On the other hand, if a chick wanted to put a finger in my ass, why not try it once? Gay? You know what makes you gay? When guys give you a boner. Looking at gay porn and jacking off, that's gay. What's the ass have anything to do with being gay? They only use it because there's no alternative. It's a mode of convenience. When some in-the-closet gay dude fucks a girl, is he suddenly straight because he put his dick in a vagina? Nope, he's gay. The other day in the car I heard some radio show of this guy who does gay porn movies, yet he's married to a woman and says he's straight. Some guy calls in and says, "dude, if you fuck guys, you're gay. I'm sorry, but you're gay." Somehow this caller knows who this guy is attracted to better than him? No, he's a redneck idiot. Maybe the guy is closet gay, but doing a gay act for money is only relevant at all if he is secretly attracted to the guys. Really weird given how most straight men are revolted by a naked man, but not necessarily gay. Are gay guys who make hetero porn straight? Well they're having sex with a woman. They must be straight? No one says that.
*Queue accusations of having done gay porn*
I don't disagree with dabamf but it is somewhat odd that is is perfectly acceptable (almost encouraged) for girls to use sex toys for self pleasure but largely vilified by males. Having never used a rubber pussy I wouldn't know if it feels so much better than my hand that I'd be willing to go through the hassle or not. However reading the instructions online I'm willing to bet it doesn't feel good enough.
Also @Dabamf from what I understand after viagra became so popular the amount of straights doing gay porn has gone up immensely. They just pop the pill, do their scenes, get their paycheck and go home. It isn't very uncommon anymore, really. Though I'd still argue having chemically assisted sex with a male for money still doesn't make you an evil gay. But I tend to view humanity as more than simply who you choose to have sex with. Being gay is just a tad bit more involved than simply corn holing a dude.
I also recall Lyrical needing pills to have sex with women. Must be a true blue homo since he can't even get it up without chemistry.
Last edited by Tenks; 12-20-2012 at 03:16 AM.
I'm out of town right now, but I have an idea I want to experiment with once I have a chance once I get home. I will update when I get the chance.
Counter proposal: I go home and jerk-off
This thread about guys describing how they jerk their dicks to other guys has gotten pretty gay somehow.
This is better than my idea for coming on the tits.
I've always wanted a machine I could strap on my dick and it would feel exactly like the best BJ ever.
Do you think the techno music is just added in or does it also come from the blowjob machine? Cause that would be a pretty sweet feature.
My experiment failed. I'm going to have to wait and see how much of my money Steam leaves me with, then I can see about ordering something.
Be sure to take your penis out right before you cum so we can see you cum
Second night trying it and....don't waste your money guys.
They come in 3 sizes, I got the middle one which I thought would be apropos, but it's like painfully restrictive, almost tight enough where it feels like it's cutting off blood flow a little bit. When I pulled out there were marks imprinted on my dick from the little silicone bumps that are supposed to make it pleasurable.
It does work, though! Took around 8-10 minutes each time, and it was nice but not that amazing. The biggest downside is that the goddamn thing doesn't come apart for cleaning! The little fake vagina thing comes out but that's not where your seed will be stored so you have to flush it out and water gets everywhere in the inner workings. This is probably why the dudes in those videos pulled out. Really poor design imo.
Last edited by Sir Funk; 12-31-2012 at 06:17 AM.
Sir Funk, Unfortunately I am unable to rep you more.
Got my Fleshlight today! I ended up getting the Stamina Training Unit only because it was the least expensive (by $10). It's pretty cool. But like others have said it won't be the highlight of my month. I will totally use it regularly though. I would be interested in trying out some of the other makes. Some of the internal designs seem interesting. I do like the small end cap. It's great for adjusting the suction on the fly (rather on the dick... hahaha).
I don't really see cleanup as being too big of a hassle, although I live alone and have no fear of someone walking in on the it drying. And on drying, here is my solution for that. It seems to work well. I hung it up and then left for about an hour and a half, when I got back it was dry.
You're the MacGyver of pocket pussy maintenance.
I love this thread so much. And with that username is anyone surprised with how he dried it?
I used a pocket pussy when I was like 19 and couldn't get laid, etc, so I'm not saying anything shitty. But it's so fucking hilarious the idea of someone fucking a piece of rubber, then hanging it from the ceiling to let the cum drip out. Oh my god haha! Dangler, +1000 internets!
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