Sound like you should get a webcam and make bank$$$$$.
I am not sure if this is more appropriate in here or SS but mods feel free to move it where appropriate.
So my GF and I have been experimenting with bondage lately and as the gateway drug that it is, we have started to talk about swinging. I talked about it in the CL casual encounter thread but she really REALLY gets off by public sex / knowing other people are watching her. She is THAT girl who walks around her apartment naked just in case someone in the other building might be looking.
I recently made a profile for the two of us on a swinging website and have started to talk to other couples. We are thinking of starting off with soft swinging (you fuck your SO but in the same room with other couples) but then who knows what afterwards.
Has anyone here had experience with it that could offer some good suggestions or comments on it? Did anyone out there think it would be fun/hot only to get jealous and ruin their relationship because someone enjoyed sex with the other couple and forgot about their partner etc.?
Sound like you should get a webcam and make bank$$$$$.
You would think right? I would be down for this but she won't even let me take pictures of her, let alone video. She is paranoid about "once it is on the internet, it is on there for life".
I told her that her neighbors could just take pics/video from their windows but she told me it wasn't the same thing. Female logic at it's finest.
You'd probably get a better response out of screenshots, but then you'd have to provide pictures of your woman.
Don't you loose the expectation of privacy when you knowingly walk around nude with the curtains open?
Sounds hot but I'd say in reality it depends heavily on the appearance and situation... if you're drunk enough, anything can be fun. Since this is just a girlfriend for you and not a wife with kids/etc I'd say go for it, what do you have to lose?
Wuyley, check your inbox.
The only person I know who did swinging now has the cervical cancer HPV strain, and has some kind of cervical degradation as a result.
So, you know, there's that.
We are just looking into soft swapping at the moment (same room sex but still with only your partner) but you never know what kind of slippery slope will happen when you have some hot naked people around and they are all drunk. She is open to 3 ways but only with 2 girls (oh damn), but I have no issue sitting in a chair, drinking a beer and talking to some other dude, while my girl gets it on with his.
As for watching her fuck someone else while I am doing the same, I think I am ok with that, but you never REALLY know until your at that point I think.
Anyways, relevant to this thread, there are sex/swingers clubs in most cities (I just went for the first time last week). Your wife might be more comfortable at a place like that, with photography banned and people are, for the most part, considerate and very friendly. In Ohio, where strip clubs have gotten legislated down to worthless level of entertainment, plus it's better to just watch real people getting it on and being able to bring your own alcohol is the icing on the cake.
I would not want to meet a random couple or person off craigslist if you're interested in swinging, use fetlife or SLS.
Sharing a room with another couple is the best way to start, but before you get into swapping or sharing, you really need to sit down and set out some ground rules. What is allowed? Specific positions or sex acts that others are not allowed to do? Are they allowed to use pet names for the other person? Are either of you allowed to have contact with the individuals outside of that one event?
If you do decide to go ahead with it, you have to make sure that you are both 100% secure in your relationship. Can you trust each other not to sleep around outside of the sharing?
Just make sure you have rules and you both follow them. Also, make sure your new playmates are clean.
Sorry to be a negative nancy but I can't imagine ever sharing my wife or violating our fidelity so openly.
Never seen an attractive swinger couple in RL. 1 in 100 shot that one of the pair could be considered attractive. Also men who swing are cresting the hill toward homotown.
But I guess I can see the logic: if you're sick of fucking your fat hog of a wife, I can see why it would be at least a little bit of a step up to fuck a slightly different fat hog.
I actually have met good looking swingers. My wife and I unintentionally met a group of swingers at my kids school. Their kids became friends with our kids and next thing you know we're hanging out and they are all being very friendly with each other. The wife and I thought it was just that they were drinking so much but some months down the road one of the moms confirmed to my wife that yes they did swing. It was just a small group of 4 or 5 couples, I don't think they tried to recruit and never mentioned anything to us. Two of the wives were smoking hot though, my wife being the crazy latina that she is would have rather cut my dick off than let me touch them.....
We are an attractive couple if I do say so myself.
We have been contacted by about 5 couples so far that have also been very attractive. 4 out of these 5 had profiles that were hidden so yes good looking swingers are out there, they are just good at hiding it. The last thing we wanted was to get involved with a group of dirty old hippies so we started a private group and invited couples we found attractive.
As for if I want to be with her the rest of my life, I could see it happening but I am not at that point. Plus I would be lying if her "enthusiasm" towards this in general wasn't a huge turn on.
She's probably into this because her dad either abandoned her or stuck his finger in her at a young age.
You say that like having daddy issues is bad. How else do you think someone like me gets laid?
I didn't think it's swinging if she's just your girlfriend. That's just groupsex.
TERMINOLOGY IS IMPORTANT.
Nothin wrong with a good old fashioned orgy.
If you're near a city, check out attending a sex club. My wife and I go to one which is the best locally and it can be described as a pile-up accident mixed with some glimmers of hope. Looks attract looks and so on. It's really a fun time if you take it for what it is. Haven't done anything crazy,,,yet, but it does add excitement. My wife is open to a 3some but even with a smoking hot wife with equally hot girlfriends...I gotta ask myself, do I need the drama? I have one friend driving me up a wall and we havent done anything yet... Im a tired old guy though.
If you're talking about people posing for a photo... that is probably the majority of the problem Eomer. My girlfriend is a teacher, she wouldn't want pictures showing up associated with a swinger's club which is why photography is banned inside.
How did you go about finding a club? I tried looking around the Twin Cities and all I found so far is some camping trip up in Sandstone.
If you are thinking about swinging I would only recommend it if you are in a non-permanent relationship that you don't mind losing OR in a super solid long term relationship that could survive hell on earth and still not break.
Note 1* Swinging is not the same thing as a serious 3 way relationship but don't try this either if your goal is just a threesome.
Note 2* Not all new relationships fail if they swing early but the odds are strongly against you.
Note 3* Serious long term relationships are not the same as long term relationships. You can be married 10 years and still wonder if you should get a divorce or you can be like the old couple who can cuss each other and talk so bad about each other you think it's only a matter of time before a murder happens but the idea of divorce to them is almost so alien a concept that it's like speaking a different language.
Last edited by Selix; 03-01-2013 at 12:42 AM. Reason: your you're
Swinglifestyle is probably your best bet to get started, as others have stated make sure you are completely open to any / all rules before you and the other half go forward.
SLS usually posts events and such, look into them, or message a certified couple and such with your questions, most are open to answering them.
I found out about them through my girlfriend who has been doing it for the last 2-3 years. She found out about them from SLS and/or a friend. Although just googling "swingers club cleveland" returns that first club that I went to (which was a good experience, they hold an event that combines the swinger's club with the next door bdsm themed club where they open up the wall seperating the 2 places) I'd probably suggest going to a busier planned event on a weekend. Just to see if you're interested, getting lost "in the crowd" can be a benefit if you're just figuring out whether you'd enjoy it or not.
A couple I know got into swinging a bit and it sounded kind of hit and miss. They're both more open about sex than most but I still nearly choked when I'm at lunch with the wife and she tells me about it. I gather it was more the husbands idea and she told him she didn't have a problem with it, but it was obvious that it did. She spent about 6mo questioning herself and wondering if she was good enough for him. He was the one working, making good money so she could stay home and raise their child, but I think that kind of pushed her into feeling guilty and wanting to go back to school so she could work (as if somehow her husband's interest in swinging was somehow a result of her not being good enough /boggle). And to hear her talk, she never liked going to any of the get-togethers, which were at various homes as parties. She said she felt like a piece of meat and was creeped out, said the same thing when they went to some local club that she described as "smelling of desperation".
I think she started to question the marriage and there were a few uncomfortable moments between us. I think she has low self esteem even though she's very attractive in a nerd kind of way, and honestly if she wasn't married I'd pursue her pretty damned hard. But a couple times I felt like she was feeling me out so to speak, and I ended up making myself scarce for a while. Thankfully the woman they are friends with that got them into swinging got pregnant out of the blue (lol) and stopped swinging altogether, so that period of whatever the fuck it was is over and I haven't heard either of them bring it up at all since.
A couple of times I've been hanging at their place having a few beers in front of the house, and she'd point out some of the neighbors driving by that went to some of these parties. They pretty much all looked 30+ if not 40+, and not all that attractive. But there must be a ton more people swinging than I had ever thought, before this I thought it would be hella rare.
I thought this was a dancing thread...
My first dom started out swinging with his wife, and then they gave up and just became Open. His wife and I were friends, but she had no interest in me, or what D and I did. It REALLY depends on the couples.
I'd recommend Fetlife. You can meet the community where you are, find local munches, get tips, tricks, and advice. Handy site, IMO. I would NEVER recommend Craigslist. And always use a condom.
I know another couple that doesn't swing per se, but it's definitely an open marriage and it is based around the husband. For several years I would meet women they were friends with, think "hey she's pretty cute" and ask them about the woman, and I'd get these weird looks and reactions that I couldn't figure out at the time. Eventually they straight up told me that his sex drive was out of control and his wife was not down for 24/7 sex, so she actually jokes about it within a small group of friends, and it turns out that these women were ones that they'd had over for the husband. In their case they have a whole set of rules (no actual friends, preferably strangers, mutual agreement on all of it, etc) and it seems to work and they're happy, so more power to them. And I wont lie, some of those women were pretty damned hot and I was impressed that he was able to juggle all of that and their relationship seems fine.
Swing Life Style.com The woman and I have been talking to a bunch of people and most of them are "real" in that they are actual profiles and not a bot or fake profile looking to fish for info. The most important thing you can do to protect yourself is to never email them directly(usually a yahoo account) your real, unedited, pics. The website itself fucking sucks and from what I have noticed all active "legit" swinging websites had to have been coded in fucking 1999. Here is a million dollar idea for some of you code geeks out there. Make a slick website with ways to send pictures / edit on site, create groups that are user friendly and able to insert shit like links to websites, pictures, fucking google maps etc., and you will be BANKING once you get the clientele. My guess is you just make it free like PoF does to start in order to build up the base and then start charging for "premium" or just rely on ad revinue.
Off topic but how does one get people to make profiles on a site, of any kind, at first? Make fake accounts so it looks "populated" to start and then just phase out the fakes, get a core group of people to start and then just let word of mouth grow, or what?
although i have no direct advice, chiming in to recommend dan savage's love/sex advice podcast. top of the show is ranty followed by caller's questions.
I would not open this can of worms. It looks good on paper but the risk to ones relationship and health is much to high. There is also the offchance that you will end up a cuckold and your wife becomes a breeder to a big black man.
I wouldn't mind joining a sex club just to be one of those creepy dudes who sits by themselves (I'm single) and watches the others do funky shit. Now if only there was a sex club near me...
I don't think most swinger groups/parties takes single dudes. I don't know if you can just pick up some chick from an escort service and get in with her, but I think you have to bring some tits to the party to get in or these things would just be a big sausage festival.
Most BDSM or Swinger clubs have very strict rules about single guys showing up. Single guys tend to be more aggressive and get a bad reputation in clubs, so most of them have a limit on how many are allowed in... though some have 'single guy' nights, which turn out to be 'sausage festivals'. If you bring a girl, your chances of getting in are much, much better.
Yeah from what I've read most clubs have different rules, although almost all have some form of "single chicks always get in" except maybe exclusive couples nights, but most that I have seen (homepages, that is, I've never been to one in person) have nights when single dudes can get in. I always pictured it like they'd just stand and watch the couples banging, but now that you mention it I suppose it's easy for it to end up just a bunch of dudes staring at each other with a drink in one hand and their dicks in the other... This might be yet another case of reality turning out to be a far cry from the fantasy...
Even as a kid I didn't like others playing with my toys~ if you do swing no regrets broseph haha. Looks like you got a fine woman there and chances are if she swings and you guys don't want to do it anymore she might not stop and shit on your little heart. Just my thoughts of course
The girl and I actually went to a meet and greet that I set up with other younger couples that were attractive and we had a blast. I think like with anything else, it is more about who you do it with, then what you do. Everyone was professional and even if some couples didn't "play" afterwards they all said they had fun just hanging out with similar people.
I am flabbergasted that this has worked for you in Minnesota.
Whats a munch? lol
SLS is your friend dude. Well that, and having a hot, kinky lady friend.
Either way, I understand open relationships 100%(everyone has needs and sex has zero to do with love/relationship imo) but swinging to ME has always been kinda weird... if it involves watching or in the same room etc. Like I know friends that have done swapping(dunno if that's swinging) but it's funny as shit when it involves twins, I'll say that much.
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